So. The motivation has returned. For the most part. I have given myself almost a 3 hour window every night to exercise and clean and take care of things that need to be taken care of.
So the last few nights, I've been upstairs by 1130, turned on the walking video, and I been pushing myself through all 3 miles of exercise. that's just under 45 minutes. hot, sweaty 45 minutes of moving and walking through my weight. And i'm actually keeping up with the lady now, and I'm succeeding in doing all of the moves without wimping out and going just back to walking. I'm having some troubles with the arm motions and continuing them all the way through, BUT I will get there. I will get my arms stronger. and I will get myself stronger.
I have, however, possibly encountered a small problem. While exercising, the standard thing to do it to tighten your stomach muscles, the 'core', and hold it like that throughout. now this is difficult to do in the beginning, but i've kinda gotten used to it. and I now find myself doing it more and more throughout the day and my daily routines. The problem? I'm starting to get slight acid reflux from doing so. Now I've had stomach problems with acid my entire adult life. I take acid reflux medicine every day and have for years. But, I noticed that while gardening the other day and leaning down to pull weeds, I was getting the same acid in my stomach and chest that i got a little bit of tonight.
I wonder if this is standard....
Also, it is impossible to exercise with Manu, the cat, anywhere near me. He wants to cuddle. He wants to cuddle now. And if the only way for us to cuddle is for him to lay on the floor behind where my head would go while doing crunches, well then dammit that is where he will be. And forget trying to do this pilates move of lifting your hips and butt off the ground while laying in the core position. The cat will be ON your stomach, trying to get loves. Or headbutting you until your glasses come off. Or any other number of things. It's just... It's a comedy of errors, and if I was not so embarrassed about how my body looks, I would have somebody video tape it, because I don't think anybody would believe me without seeing it. But I'm not getting in front of a video camera like that until i'm down at least another two pants sizes. At least.
Now! Moving on to other self improvement I have been working on. My dental hygiene is not the best. It never has been. My parents tried when I was younger, but I knew that there was flouride in our drinking water and I'd never had a cavity, so what was the point in brushing my teeth? That's persisted into my adult life as well. Add on the nine years of smoking and coffee, and you can well imagine what my teeth look like. Well. I was getting tired of not being able to smile. And my Kiwi has just the best teeth ever. Well ok, some celebrities might have him beat, but those people are not real and probably gargle bleach. So, I have begun a regimen with whitening toothpaste and mouthwash. And it's only been a few days of using them twice a day (morning and night) and my teeth are already looking whiter and feeling cleaner.
But the problem? Nothing tastes the same!! I mean, I had a bowl of honey nut cheerios the other morning (before brushing my teeth for the morning) and my mouth still had the toothpaste taste from the night before and the cheerios tasted terrible! Sadness! But that is a small price to pay for looking pretty and having teeth in my mouth for a few more years at least.
97 days until Seattle. I bought my plane tickets tonight..... So much relief.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Curiouser and Curiouser
So no. My exercise is not back on track. No, my motivation has flown right straight out the window almost completely. I keep trying to fight it back in, but the lazy king gets hold of me, and the fuckit queen smacks me around, and soon, I just stop fighting against it and give in.
I look at the chart on my wall and I see that it's possible, I see that i can lose the weight. But then I see that 5 pound gain and it's just depressing again. And I know why it jumped, and I know that I need to get myself back under control again. I know, deep down, that I can do this. but, how do I get myself motivated again?
But that's not actually the point of this post. The point and impetus behind this post is to examine inadequacies. My inadequacies, perceived or actual, and what I should do about them.
What brings this on? Well, the inability to psych myself up into the exercise again could easily be one thing. The other is, not finishing college. What's brought this up?
My kiwi got a permanent job offering from his company. Halfway through his internship thing with them, and they've already decided that they like him well enough to offer him a full time position. That's fantastic. It's so over the moon awesome. I was talking with some mutual friends about it, and one of them, who's opinion I greatly respect and value, basically said that the offer was a no-brainer. My Kiwi is a brilliant man. And that I should snatch him up as much and as soon as possible.
Snatch him up.
I love him. And he loves me. But just how snatched should I go? Do I get him a ring and ask him to marry me in September? For Real? Like, For real real? And even if I do, and he says yes, and we throw together a hasty ceremony over the weekend in Seattle, then what? I move to New Zealand obviously. But... am I worth all that? Am I really worthy of this, of him? What do I have to offer him other than love, affection, and good cooking?
I'm a college dropout, one class away from a degree that is considered by some, if not most, to be utterly useless. Unless I want to teach, which I don't, cause I can't stand the thought of teaching. Snot-nosed little brats. And by that I mean high schoolers.
My whole work history is customer service of some type (retail or telecommunications) and theatre. I would bring absolutely nothing to the table but maybe enough money to cover our internet bill. And some groceries.
Doesn't he deserve something more than that? I mean, sure, I'm going to finish up my degree this summer, and I'll have a degree. Outstanding. It won't get me paid any more money. It won't magically open a door to some career somewhere that will be the perfect combination of what I've always wanted to do with my life.
So how do I prove to him, and mostly to myself, that I'm worthy of him?
I'm curious as to how one goes about that. How do you prove worthiness?
How do I prove my worth?
I look at the chart on my wall and I see that it's possible, I see that i can lose the weight. But then I see that 5 pound gain and it's just depressing again. And I know why it jumped, and I know that I need to get myself back under control again. I know, deep down, that I can do this. but, how do I get myself motivated again?
But that's not actually the point of this post. The point and impetus behind this post is to examine inadequacies. My inadequacies, perceived or actual, and what I should do about them.
What brings this on? Well, the inability to psych myself up into the exercise again could easily be one thing. The other is, not finishing college. What's brought this up?
My kiwi got a permanent job offering from his company. Halfway through his internship thing with them, and they've already decided that they like him well enough to offer him a full time position. That's fantastic. It's so over the moon awesome. I was talking with some mutual friends about it, and one of them, who's opinion I greatly respect and value, basically said that the offer was a no-brainer. My Kiwi is a brilliant man. And that I should snatch him up as much and as soon as possible.
Snatch him up.
I love him. And he loves me. But just how snatched should I go? Do I get him a ring and ask him to marry me in September? For Real? Like, For real real? And even if I do, and he says yes, and we throw together a hasty ceremony over the weekend in Seattle, then what? I move to New Zealand obviously. But... am I worth all that? Am I really worthy of this, of him? What do I have to offer him other than love, affection, and good cooking?
I'm a college dropout, one class away from a degree that is considered by some, if not most, to be utterly useless. Unless I want to teach, which I don't, cause I can't stand the thought of teaching. Snot-nosed little brats. And by that I mean high schoolers.
My whole work history is customer service of some type (retail or telecommunications) and theatre. I would bring absolutely nothing to the table but maybe enough money to cover our internet bill. And some groceries.
Doesn't he deserve something more than that? I mean, sure, I'm going to finish up my degree this summer, and I'll have a degree. Outstanding. It won't get me paid any more money. It won't magically open a door to some career somewhere that will be the perfect combination of what I've always wanted to do with my life.
So how do I prove to him, and mostly to myself, that I'm worthy of him?
I'm curious as to how one goes about that. How do you prove worthiness?
How do I prove my worth?
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Drama
So. You might have noticed that I haven't posted much lately.
Well things got a little crazy here at home. To make a long story short, my mom went into the hospital two weeks ago thinking she had appendicitis. Actually, it was colon cancer. Now, this was around the same time that I was on my period (don't like the graphic? tough.) and wasn't feeling very up to exercising at all. Add onto that the stress with mom being sick, and yeah, I stopped exercising.
I gained back 5 pounds and shot all the way up to 263. Back where I was when I started all this.
Sigh.
And I just haven't felt it lately. I've been feeling slow, sluggish, and ohso depressed.
mom's fine, she's back home, and she'll be home for another few weeks still. and Iknow that I really just need to get my rear end back into gear and focused on this weight loss again. But my main focus now is making sure my mother's alright. And then, taking my last class for my degree this summer. I will fit in exercise there somewhere.
So there, that's the update that I'm sure people have been wanting. No, my heart really isn't into this right now. It's not into much of anything right now at all. But that's what being depressed is all about.
I'm depressed about mom, so I stop exercising. I stop exercising and I gain the weight. I gain the weight and I get depressed again. etc etc etc.
I need a good motivational kick in the pants.
And more sleep.
Well things got a little crazy here at home. To make a long story short, my mom went into the hospital two weeks ago thinking she had appendicitis. Actually, it was colon cancer. Now, this was around the same time that I was on my period (don't like the graphic? tough.) and wasn't feeling very up to exercising at all. Add onto that the stress with mom being sick, and yeah, I stopped exercising.
I gained back 5 pounds and shot all the way up to 263. Back where I was when I started all this.
Sigh.
And I just haven't felt it lately. I've been feeling slow, sluggish, and ohso depressed.
mom's fine, she's back home, and she'll be home for another few weeks still. and Iknow that I really just need to get my rear end back into gear and focused on this weight loss again. But my main focus now is making sure my mother's alright. And then, taking my last class for my degree this summer. I will fit in exercise there somewhere.
So there, that's the update that I'm sure people have been wanting. No, my heart really isn't into this right now. It's not into much of anything right now at all. But that's what being depressed is all about.
I'm depressed about mom, so I stop exercising. I stop exercising and I gain the weight. I gain the weight and I get depressed again. etc etc etc.
I need a good motivational kick in the pants.
And more sleep.
Friday, April 30, 2010
1d6
yeah, I know, I'm a geek. get over it.
I was thinking tonight, my life right now, and for most of this summer is going to be much like rolling a die. One six sided die to be exact, or as my friends say 1d6. So what is it that is going to be on this six-sided die?
1: Home-life
With mom having just gotten home from the hospital, my devotion to the household is going to need to increase. Especially since I am not sure just how much she will need me to take care of her, or for how long she'll be out of 'commission' so to speak. So i'm going to need to be home more and do more around the house for a while.
1: Work-life
I'm hoping to get a new position soon. And hoping to get more hours. So that's at least 8 or 9 hours out of a day devoted to that pursuit of money.
3: Friends
Yes,I do somehow miraculously have them. They're all online, this is true, and most people won't consider them to be 'real friends' but those people can kiss my fat fat butt. They're my friends and I don't particularly want to do without them.
4: Love-life
Ee. My Kiwi. Somewhere in all of this chaos that is going to be my life, I need to find time for you, and for us. Time for us to spend together, to talk, and to just grow closer, even though there's an ocean between us.
5: Exercise
Somewhere in all of this, I am also hoping to make time for the gym and exercise, because while I have completely reversed this last week and gained back all of the weight that I had lost (stress and mother nature and depression will do that), I am still determined to lose weight and get trim.
6: School
yes, I am going back to school. It's only going to be one class, an online course, this summer taken through the UD and then transferred to Rutgers in order to finally get my degree. I am determined to tackle this course and come out the other side with at least a B. I will not settle for anything less than that.
But this is going to take up quite a bit of my time, and my energy. So if I seem distracted this summer, all of these are reasons why. There is so much going on in my world right now, that I'm going to have to perfect my compartmentalising techniques so that I don't go completely insane.
So that's what's going through my head tonight, and the last few days. Maybe i'll be back soon with an update, maybe not. I'll try.
I was thinking tonight, my life right now, and for most of this summer is going to be much like rolling a die. One six sided die to be exact, or as my friends say 1d6. So what is it that is going to be on this six-sided die?
1: Home-life
With mom having just gotten home from the hospital, my devotion to the household is going to need to increase. Especially since I am not sure just how much she will need me to take care of her, or for how long she'll be out of 'commission' so to speak. So i'm going to need to be home more and do more around the house for a while.
1: Work-life
I'm hoping to get a new position soon. And hoping to get more hours. So that's at least 8 or 9 hours out of a day devoted to that pursuit of money.
3: Friends
Yes,I do somehow miraculously have them. They're all online, this is true, and most people won't consider them to be 'real friends' but those people can kiss my fat fat butt. They're my friends and I don't particularly want to do without them.
4: Love-life
Ee. My Kiwi. Somewhere in all of this chaos that is going to be my life, I need to find time for you, and for us. Time for us to spend together, to talk, and to just grow closer, even though there's an ocean between us.
5: Exercise
Somewhere in all of this, I am also hoping to make time for the gym and exercise, because while I have completely reversed this last week and gained back all of the weight that I had lost (stress and mother nature and depression will do that), I am still determined to lose weight and get trim.
6: School
yes, I am going back to school. It's only going to be one class, an online course, this summer taken through the UD and then transferred to Rutgers in order to finally get my degree. I am determined to tackle this course and come out the other side with at least a B. I will not settle for anything less than that.
But this is going to take up quite a bit of my time, and my energy. So if I seem distracted this summer, all of these are reasons why. There is so much going on in my world right now, that I'm going to have to perfect my compartmentalising techniques so that I don't go completely insane.
So that's what's going through my head tonight, and the last few days. Maybe i'll be back soon with an update, maybe not. I'll try.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Rats In a Cage
So, I've come to the conclusion that what I've been doing so far as exercise is just not working enough. So, I want to go and join a gym. But I was unsure of which one. Now, I was over at the SuperFresh in town (where I found the chocolate oikos yoghurt but that's another story) and right next door is a Curves. So I go into the Curves and sit down while I wait for the person working to finish up with a client.
Now, first impression, there's decent music going in the background and the machines, while they look slightly like medieval torture devices moved into the 21st century by being made out of white metal, do not look all that intimidating. There are three women working out today, and I watch them as they move about the stations. Now, here's the thing, there are like 8 machines, maybe 9, with a walking platform in between each one. Seemed not too bad, until this voice came over the radio that said "Change Station Now". And these women got off the machines that they were exercising on, moved to the walking platform and then walked (or bounced, or flopped around like a penguin) until the voice spoke agan, ordering them to move.
Now, I dunno about anybody else, but this seems.... automatic. Pavlovian almost. You get about two minutes on each piece of machinery and you go around the circle twice in half an hour. It's just...bizarre.
So sitting there watching this, I finally get a little not-so-hippy girl sititng across from me to go over the details. And I'm sorry, but I just did not feel...comfortable... with this girl. I'm sure she's great, and I'm sure she knows how to keep me from hurting myself on the machines, but something about her just did not inspire confidence.
I want more from a work out than obeying the voice from the radio and barely getting any time on a machine that I think I need. It seems, like a trained monkey and almost that it wouldn't do me any good.
I don't want this fast weightloss or anything like that. I want to do this right. I want to lose the weight and I want to trim and sleek my body and make it firm and just looking good and healthy. Curves does not quite seem geared to that.
Today, however, we stopped by the Extreme Fitness in town and I felt immediately better when I walked in. There are machines for cardio right up front, several different ones (ellipticals, treadmills, bicycles) and then as you move back there are 2 different weight and resistance training machines, ones for beginners and the other for more advanced for strength training. I talked with the woman who runs the place and in the ten minutes that I spent with her, I felt like she knows what she's doing and that I would be safe in that gym.
Extreme Fitness also has showers on location. Only two per dressing room, but there are still showers. I could go to the gym, exercise, and shower before work if I wanted to. This is a huge positive. And it's not too expensive, only $40/month. And that includes the classes (except for spinning which is extra) like kickboxing and yoga and coming soon, Zumba!
This is not a given thing yet, but if I were to choose, I would go to Extreme. it seems more like what I'm looking for in a gym, and it would give me the strength training that I'm hoping for.
We'll see what happens...
Now, first impression, there's decent music going in the background and the machines, while they look slightly like medieval torture devices moved into the 21st century by being made out of white metal, do not look all that intimidating. There are three women working out today, and I watch them as they move about the stations. Now, here's the thing, there are like 8 machines, maybe 9, with a walking platform in between each one. Seemed not too bad, until this voice came over the radio that said "Change Station Now". And these women got off the machines that they were exercising on, moved to the walking platform and then walked (or bounced, or flopped around like a penguin) until the voice spoke agan, ordering them to move.
Now, I dunno about anybody else, but this seems.... automatic. Pavlovian almost. You get about two minutes on each piece of machinery and you go around the circle twice in half an hour. It's just...bizarre.
So sitting there watching this, I finally get a little not-so-hippy girl sititng across from me to go over the details. And I'm sorry, but I just did not feel...comfortable... with this girl. I'm sure she's great, and I'm sure she knows how to keep me from hurting myself on the machines, but something about her just did not inspire confidence.
I want more from a work out than obeying the voice from the radio and barely getting any time on a machine that I think I need. It seems, like a trained monkey and almost that it wouldn't do me any good.
I don't want this fast weightloss or anything like that. I want to do this right. I want to lose the weight and I want to trim and sleek my body and make it firm and just looking good and healthy. Curves does not quite seem geared to that.
Today, however, we stopped by the Extreme Fitness in town and I felt immediately better when I walked in. There are machines for cardio right up front, several different ones (ellipticals, treadmills, bicycles) and then as you move back there are 2 different weight and resistance training machines, ones for beginners and the other for more advanced for strength training. I talked with the woman who runs the place and in the ten minutes that I spent with her, I felt like she knows what she's doing and that I would be safe in that gym.
Extreme Fitness also has showers on location. Only two per dressing room, but there are still showers. I could go to the gym, exercise, and shower before work if I wanted to. This is a huge positive. And it's not too expensive, only $40/month. And that includes the classes (except for spinning which is extra) like kickboxing and yoga and coming soon, Zumba!
This is not a given thing yet, but if I were to choose, I would go to Extreme. it seems more like what I'm looking for in a gym, and it would give me the strength training that I'm hoping for.
We'll see what happens...
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Fat Ceiling
Wow. Been over two weeks since I put anything here. I should more than likely apologize for that. But then, I know of only like.. two people who sometimes read this thing, and only one person that I'm positive of, but I should still feel bad. so here we go, Sorry Sami.
Now, you're probably wondering about the title for this entry, well let me give you a little background here. If you know anything at all about me as I currently am, you'll know that I'm a bit of an American Politics junkie. National stuff mostly, seeing as I don't really have a substantial foothold anywhere to get into local politics. But that's a digression. Being a AmPol junkie (or APJ if you will), I followed the national elections in 2008 very closely. For anybody else who did, you probably heard alot about this whole 'glass ceiling' concept. Mostly from Hilary Clinton supporters.
The Glass Ceiling is a concept developed basically to explain why there hasn't been a female president, or a multitude of female CEOs, etc. It's The Man's (literally) way of keeping a woman down. She can see the top of the ladder, but there's this invisible barrier blocking her way through. Hence, the Glass Ceiling metaphor. Now, I'm not somebody that gives this much credence, and I'm certainly not a Feminist by any means or stretch of the imagination, but it's a decent metaphor for what's been happening, so hear me out.
I had hit a fat ceiling. That was the unmagical weight of 260. I could not, in the last month and a half, get below that weight. I couldn't! I would bounce back and forth, never going over my start of 263, but I could never get below that 260.
Until, last friday. Now, I worked myself to almost death (it felt like) last week. I walked every day, I did anywhere from 65-100 crunches every night, I stretched, I burned, and I hit 259 last weigh in on friday. HELL YEAH! Hear that sound? That's the Fat Ceiling shattering! Probably due to my still massive weight, but still...Shattering!
Now, to just get down to that next level and smash that one too. And then the next. And then the next. I'm trying to decide if I want to celebrate for every 5 lbs lost, or every 10. I'm thinking little celebrations for 5, big letters and possibly balloons for 10.
I'm noticing a weird trend though. I get a little on the cranky side when I haven't had a chance to exercise or go on a walk or anything. I walked for 2 miles this afternoon around the neighborhood, and yet tonight, after eating the ohmygod heavy and rich dinner and then the small bit of carrot cake that I had, I felt so heavy and bloated and I was getting cranky. It was midnight and I wanted to go out and walk around the block just to try and get some calories burned.
But! I put in the new Walk at Home DVD that I got (which has bits of pilates thrown into the walk) and I figured I would do just the 1 mile. I did that no problem, and it went right into mile 2. I was a bit sweaty but I thought that I could keep going, and so I did, right into mile 3. I finished up the 3rd mile and then the stretch and holy god did I feel good. Sweaty as hell, but good. I felt lighter than I did after dinner, and I felt strangely relaxed. I stretched a bit, did my 100 crunches, and then went downstairs to grab my water bottle. Took the dog out and let the cool air help settle me down a bit. then i came inside and showered.
It's amazing just how doing a little bit of exercise can actually make me feel so much better now. Of course, I have to work on my breathing techniques. And I don't think the pilates mat workout will work for me just yet, still too much fat and boob in the way, but I WILL GET THERE!
Side note, I bought a new dress. It's a size 20. I'm hoping and planning on being able to fit into it come september. If not sooner. I will hang said dress up on my wall, or maybe on the back of my door, so that i can look at it and be inspired.
Double Side note, my pants are falling off, but i can't wear a belt. This is frustrating in many many ways.
I think that's it for now, I promise I'll update more often, now that I think I'll have more progress to show.
Now, you're probably wondering about the title for this entry, well let me give you a little background here. If you know anything at all about me as I currently am, you'll know that I'm a bit of an American Politics junkie. National stuff mostly, seeing as I don't really have a substantial foothold anywhere to get into local politics. But that's a digression. Being a AmPol junkie (or APJ if you will), I followed the national elections in 2008 very closely. For anybody else who did, you probably heard alot about this whole 'glass ceiling' concept. Mostly from Hilary Clinton supporters.
The Glass Ceiling is a concept developed basically to explain why there hasn't been a female president, or a multitude of female CEOs, etc. It's The Man's (literally) way of keeping a woman down. She can see the top of the ladder, but there's this invisible barrier blocking her way through. Hence, the Glass Ceiling metaphor. Now, I'm not somebody that gives this much credence, and I'm certainly not a Feminist by any means or stretch of the imagination, but it's a decent metaphor for what's been happening, so hear me out.
I had hit a fat ceiling. That was the unmagical weight of 260. I could not, in the last month and a half, get below that weight. I couldn't! I would bounce back and forth, never going over my start of 263, but I could never get below that 260.
Until, last friday. Now, I worked myself to almost death (it felt like) last week. I walked every day, I did anywhere from 65-100 crunches every night, I stretched, I burned, and I hit 259 last weigh in on friday. HELL YEAH! Hear that sound? That's the Fat Ceiling shattering! Probably due to my still massive weight, but still...Shattering!
Now, to just get down to that next level and smash that one too. And then the next. And then the next. I'm trying to decide if I want to celebrate for every 5 lbs lost, or every 10. I'm thinking little celebrations for 5, big letters and possibly balloons for 10.
I'm noticing a weird trend though. I get a little on the cranky side when I haven't had a chance to exercise or go on a walk or anything. I walked for 2 miles this afternoon around the neighborhood, and yet tonight, after eating the ohmygod heavy and rich dinner and then the small bit of carrot cake that I had, I felt so heavy and bloated and I was getting cranky. It was midnight and I wanted to go out and walk around the block just to try and get some calories burned.
But! I put in the new Walk at Home DVD that I got (which has bits of pilates thrown into the walk) and I figured I would do just the 1 mile. I did that no problem, and it went right into mile 2. I was a bit sweaty but I thought that I could keep going, and so I did, right into mile 3. I finished up the 3rd mile and then the stretch and holy god did I feel good. Sweaty as hell, but good. I felt lighter than I did after dinner, and I felt strangely relaxed. I stretched a bit, did my 100 crunches, and then went downstairs to grab my water bottle. Took the dog out and let the cool air help settle me down a bit. then i came inside and showered.
It's amazing just how doing a little bit of exercise can actually make me feel so much better now. Of course, I have to work on my breathing techniques. And I don't think the pilates mat workout will work for me just yet, still too much fat and boob in the way, but I WILL GET THERE!
Side note, I bought a new dress. It's a size 20. I'm hoping and planning on being able to fit into it come september. If not sooner. I will hang said dress up on my wall, or maybe on the back of my door, so that i can look at it and be inspired.
Double Side note, my pants are falling off, but i can't wear a belt. This is frustrating in many many ways.
I think that's it for now, I promise I'll update more often, now that I think I'll have more progress to show.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Runny Babbits
So. Mom woke me up today to go outside and do some gardening. Ordinarily, or formerly, I would have found that rather dull and boring. But! With this whole new attitude that I'm trying to give myself, I was excited about it.
So we took this little corner in the backyard that my mom already had some Irises and a butterfly bush planted in, and we tilled up the soil, pulled all the weeds and got to work. we planted some pink and white oriental lillies, and some pink calla lillies, as well as a pink hyacinth and a white hyacinth (I love those flowers), and we even put down some forget-me-not seeds. Which will hopefully grown, but I doubt it cause they're apparently fall planting flowers, not spring. Oops.
Also, we put in the 9 heads of Romaine lettuce that my mom bought for me, and I planted my window box with my herbs! Parsley, sage, Rosemary, Basil, and Cilantro. Yum yum! Now I just hope that they grow.
I realised today though, that being out in the dirt was FUN. Well, not for my knees, really. But it was enjoyable and fun and something that I've always wanted to do, but never could. But I'm going to try. Cause if I can grow things, and then I get over to kiwiland, maybe I can make our budget even a little bit friendlier and easier by growing things! edible things!
Also! I got onto my bicycle today! The real one! with Wheels! Now, this might seem like not such a big deal to people. But, you have to realise, I've had this for a few months now, and I've been scared of it. Now, I know that you're going to laugh at that, but it's the truth! I've been terrified of my bicycle. I tried to ride it a month or so ago, but I got myself so afraid of falling off of it, that I couldn't even get myself past getting one foot onto the pedals.
That's my biggest problem. I scare myself so much out of things that I never do them. Like roller skating, or ice skating, or even going out to a bar on my own for a drink. I psyche myself out so badly that I can't do anything. I go to work, I come home. That's it. I'm afraid of new people, and making and keeping relationships too much. I'm afraid of broken hearts, and recently i've been afraid of a bicycle.
but no more! For today i got onto the bicycle, I got both feet onto the pedals and I conquered it! Huzzah! Of cours I didn't ride very far without a helmet on. I'm not sure I like the mountain bike thing. All the gears and the things, but it was twenty something dollars. The last bike that I rode, you had to pedal backwards for the brakes. it was the best thing ever. This bike, there are breaks on the handlebars. But I didn't use them. I jsut let the bike slow down naturally.
So yes! I rode a bicycle! And it was fun! and I shall continue to do so! Right after I get a bigger seat for that bike. because let me tell you, that seat, was just enough for a stick-person to ride. And I'm not talking supermodel or skinny athlete. No. a stick figure. that is the only type of person I can imagine being comfortable. I mean, right up in there all the way. oucchhh.
So, I will now add bicycling to my routine (once I get a bigger seat). Who knows? maybe I'll get to the point where I can bike to work and not need the car. Wouldn't that be nice! at least down here in delaware, I don't need to worry about hills like I would have in maine.
Right, it's 5am. and I need to pass out. I think. yes. sleepy time.
G'night all!
So we took this little corner in the backyard that my mom already had some Irises and a butterfly bush planted in, and we tilled up the soil, pulled all the weeds and got to work. we planted some pink and white oriental lillies, and some pink calla lillies, as well as a pink hyacinth and a white hyacinth (I love those flowers), and we even put down some forget-me-not seeds. Which will hopefully grown, but I doubt it cause they're apparently fall planting flowers, not spring. Oops.
Also, we put in the 9 heads of Romaine lettuce that my mom bought for me, and I planted my window box with my herbs! Parsley, sage, Rosemary, Basil, and Cilantro. Yum yum! Now I just hope that they grow.
I realised today though, that being out in the dirt was FUN. Well, not for my knees, really. But it was enjoyable and fun and something that I've always wanted to do, but never could. But I'm going to try. Cause if I can grow things, and then I get over to kiwiland, maybe I can make our budget even a little bit friendlier and easier by growing things! edible things!
Also! I got onto my bicycle today! The real one! with Wheels! Now, this might seem like not such a big deal to people. But, you have to realise, I've had this for a few months now, and I've been scared of it. Now, I know that you're going to laugh at that, but it's the truth! I've been terrified of my bicycle. I tried to ride it a month or so ago, but I got myself so afraid of falling off of it, that I couldn't even get myself past getting one foot onto the pedals.
That's my biggest problem. I scare myself so much out of things that I never do them. Like roller skating, or ice skating, or even going out to a bar on my own for a drink. I psyche myself out so badly that I can't do anything. I go to work, I come home. That's it. I'm afraid of new people, and making and keeping relationships too much. I'm afraid of broken hearts, and recently i've been afraid of a bicycle.
but no more! For today i got onto the bicycle, I got both feet onto the pedals and I conquered it! Huzzah! Of cours I didn't ride very far without a helmet on. I'm not sure I like the mountain bike thing. All the gears and the things, but it was twenty something dollars. The last bike that I rode, you had to pedal backwards for the brakes. it was the best thing ever. This bike, there are breaks on the handlebars. But I didn't use them. I jsut let the bike slow down naturally.
So yes! I rode a bicycle! And it was fun! and I shall continue to do so! Right after I get a bigger seat for that bike. because let me tell you, that seat, was just enough for a stick-person to ride. And I'm not talking supermodel or skinny athlete. No. a stick figure. that is the only type of person I can imagine being comfortable. I mean, right up in there all the way. oucchhh.
So, I will now add bicycling to my routine (once I get a bigger seat). Who knows? maybe I'll get to the point where I can bike to work and not need the car. Wouldn't that be nice! at least down here in delaware, I don't need to worry about hills like I would have in maine.
Right, it's 5am. and I need to pass out. I think. yes. sleepy time.
G'night all!
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