There. That about sums up my attitude on life. At least this very second.
I can't lose the weight. I just can't. I swear to the heavens that if I drop below 260, I am going to party.
I've been walking the last few days. About a mile a day. half mile in the morning, half mile in the evening. I do 20 minutes on the bike every night, and I've been doing crunches every other night, just about 50-60 of them. I do work with the weights with both arms, I've even been adding more exercises.
Some nights, I also do the Leslie Sansome walking too. I did a mile and half the other night with her. I even bought a second DVD of hers to use downstairs.
I'm eating better, i'm eating smaller portions and I'm ingesting more protein and vegetables than before, and STILL I can't get below 260.
The last three weeks, I've been sitting at 262. Granted, I've been doing this heavy regimen on myself for only the last week. But, I will see what happens by next friday. If I still havent' lost significant weight, I think I'm about to just give up.
no. I can't give up. The next step is to go to a gym, where I can find professionals to help me. There's Exreme Fitness in town, as well as Curves. Curves I have to pay membership fees, whereas Extreme is monthly. But, Curves is more likely to have other fat people, whereas everytime i go by Extreme, I see people in there that don't look like they need it.
So, realizing that I might be gaining muscle and losing inches, but still not losing weight, I decided to get my measurements done. So here we go, god these are scary
Bust: 48" (121.9 cm)
Waist: 43" (109.2 cm)
Hips: 58" (147.3 cm)
I will do measurements again next week on friday as well as weighing. If the measurements have gone down, but the weight has stayed steady, then I might be mollified.
Also, I don't know if I'm doing these crunches right. I mean, They hurt a bit when I do them, under the ribs, but i don't hurt too bad right now, not like I did the first night that I did them. or the second night. What if I'm doing all of this and I'm actually doing them wrong? What if that's why I can't lose the weight?
ugh, doubts and drama in my life. I think it might be bed time.
I will look into new running shoes soon. Or walking shoes.
Also, yoga. I would love some opinions on Yoga, or other calming stretchy things, like tai Chi or something.
or comments on this thing at all. so I know I'm not just writing for myself and Sami to read.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Inspiration
So, there is something that popped into my head today that is going to change the world. Or at least my world.
The best, single thing, inspiration for losing weight?
Granny panties.
You know what I mean. The big white (or other color) cotton underwear that cover every inch of the female genitalia and leave nothing nothing nothing visible or even imagination inducing at all. Granny Panties. The kinda underwear that only your mother, your grandmother, and your fat cousin wear. Or me. Because I am fat.
Until recently shopping at Fashion Bug, I was unaware that they made underwear for people with my size ass that was even remotely sexy. And yes, I bought some. And yes, damn I look sexy in them. But this have given me both hope and pause. If I can look this good in underwear now, why lose weight? And then I realize, when I get skinnier, i can get BETTER underwear. It's like leveling up in a vidja game or something.
Ahava has defeated Grannypanticus!
Ahava has earned -15 libs!
Ahava has gained: New sexy panties! (can be equipped in town after resting)
So, if I just think about this as a vidja game... I will get horribly horribly bored and not want to do it anymore. That is a horrible analogy. Horrible. We will forget that I even referred to my weight loss as a video game. I will geek out over things, but not that. At least, not in that fashion.
I know, I know, I'm losing nerdpoints. I'm sorry!
Alright, back on topic. Which was granny panties. Now, I will admit, when I'm menstruating, I will still wear my granny panties. Why? because they're comfortable, and when I'm miserable because my insides are falling out and I'm not dying, a little comfort is more important than being sexy. Also, if I have an accident for some reason, i would rather ruin a pair of cheap granny panties than sexy panties.
But, that is a bit more than anybody really wanted, so I'll stop with that line of thought and move on to details.
I have figured out that on a full shift as a cashier, I walk approx 3 miles a day. Granted, that doesn't really count towards much since it's not all at once and it's a slower pace than actually exerwalking. But, there it is. I've started doing crunches. Sami, a flyboy friend of mine, is giving me pointers on how best to do them to maximize my benefit. I figured out that tonight i was able to hit 35 crunches in a minute. It hurt like a bitch, but i did it.
Tonight, I also did 20 minutes in Wii sports with the baseball and tennis, as well as boxing. And another 20 minutes on the stationary bike. I really need to get a better exercise soundtrack. But I must say, "Blue Monday" by Orgy is like, an awesome song for me to ride the bike to. It gets my legs moving and my heart rate going.
Also, dancing at work is fun and enjoyable and I do not understand why most people don't do it.
I got told by a coworker that I act younger than 28. She said I act around 21 or 22. But mostly because I'm always so cheerful and happy and bubbling. She didn't believe me that I was 28. I had to show her my license. Ugggh. I'm almost getting tired of that.
Right, I think that's enough for tonight. To the skinny me in not granny panties!
The best, single thing, inspiration for losing weight?
Granny panties.
You know what I mean. The big white (or other color) cotton underwear that cover every inch of the female genitalia and leave nothing nothing nothing visible or even imagination inducing at all. Granny Panties. The kinda underwear that only your mother, your grandmother, and your fat cousin wear. Or me. Because I am fat.
Until recently shopping at Fashion Bug, I was unaware that they made underwear for people with my size ass that was even remotely sexy. And yes, I bought some. And yes, damn I look sexy in them. But this have given me both hope and pause. If I can look this good in underwear now, why lose weight? And then I realize, when I get skinnier, i can get BETTER underwear. It's like leveling up in a vidja game or something.
Ahava has defeated Grannypanticus!
Ahava has earned -15 libs!
Ahava has gained: New sexy panties! (can be equipped in town after resting)
So, if I just think about this as a vidja game... I will get horribly horribly bored and not want to do it anymore. That is a horrible analogy. Horrible. We will forget that I even referred to my weight loss as a video game. I will geek out over things, but not that. At least, not in that fashion.
I know, I know, I'm losing nerdpoints. I'm sorry!
Alright, back on topic. Which was granny panties. Now, I will admit, when I'm menstruating, I will still wear my granny panties. Why? because they're comfortable, and when I'm miserable because my insides are falling out and I'm not dying, a little comfort is more important than being sexy. Also, if I have an accident for some reason, i would rather ruin a pair of cheap granny panties than sexy panties.
But, that is a bit more than anybody really wanted, so I'll stop with that line of thought and move on to details.
I have figured out that on a full shift as a cashier, I walk approx 3 miles a day. Granted, that doesn't really count towards much since it's not all at once and it's a slower pace than actually exerwalking. But, there it is. I've started doing crunches. Sami, a flyboy friend of mine, is giving me pointers on how best to do them to maximize my benefit. I figured out that tonight i was able to hit 35 crunches in a minute. It hurt like a bitch, but i did it.
Tonight, I also did 20 minutes in Wii sports with the baseball and tennis, as well as boxing. And another 20 minutes on the stationary bike. I really need to get a better exercise soundtrack. But I must say, "Blue Monday" by Orgy is like, an awesome song for me to ride the bike to. It gets my legs moving and my heart rate going.
Also, dancing at work is fun and enjoyable and I do not understand why most people don't do it.
I got told by a coworker that I act younger than 28. She said I act around 21 or 22. But mostly because I'm always so cheerful and happy and bubbling. She didn't believe me that I was 28. I had to show her my license. Ugggh. I'm almost getting tired of that.
Right, I think that's enough for tonight. To the skinny me in not granny panties!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Passover
Passover started at sundown tonight. I've always thought that passover would be an awesome time to start a diet. Especially a low carb diet. Without being allowed to have any leavened bread products, it makes it easy to just keep that kinda thing up. Make it brown rice instead of white rice as your main grain, and it should be easy, right?
It used to be harder before, when all I could really afford was pasta. But now that I'm at home, I've been eating so much less noodles and bread and pasta that it should be easier this year. So maybe this will be my time, maybe I will use this holy week to thrust myself forward on the healthy food thing!
So, what is this passover thing? Eh, I don't feel like explaining it. There's wikipedia, you go figure it out. But there are no leavened bread products in my future for the next week. No bread, cereals, noodles, crackers, cookies, anything that might have a poofing agent in it, can't have.
But! I can eat matzah and rice and other things. So there will be fantastic rice dishes coming up for me! So I hope! Also, matzah brie! Which is essentially scrambled eggs with matzah. It sounds gross, it looks worse, it's so good and simple. and good.
Well, it's off to bed for me. I will complain about exercising later.
It used to be harder before, when all I could really afford was pasta. But now that I'm at home, I've been eating so much less noodles and bread and pasta that it should be easier this year. So maybe this will be my time, maybe I will use this holy week to thrust myself forward on the healthy food thing!
So, what is this passover thing? Eh, I don't feel like explaining it. There's wikipedia, you go figure it out. But there are no leavened bread products in my future for the next week. No bread, cereals, noodles, crackers, cookies, anything that might have a poofing agent in it, can't have.
But! I can eat matzah and rice and other things. So there will be fantastic rice dishes coming up for me! So I hope! Also, matzah brie! Which is essentially scrambled eggs with matzah. It sounds gross, it looks worse, it's so good and simple. and good.
Well, it's off to bed for me. I will complain about exercising later.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
A New Step
So.
It rained today.
And it was cold.
So there was no outside for ME today, cause my joints right now just cannot take the cold and damp weather. But! I went through that Valerie Bertinelli dvd the other night, not doing the exercises, just watching the routine, trying to find something I might be able to pull out and do on my own. No such luck, all of the moves involved bending the knees in really painful and uncomfortable ways for me.
However! In the bonus section, there is an abs workout. And you know what? I can do them!!!!! (yes, the exclamation points are necessary) So I've done about three sets of twenty crunches at different points throughout the day. And then tonight, I came upstairs after having a rather indulgent dinner of tacos with all the fixings (cheese, sour cream, avocado, lettuce, peppers, beans, rice, and a little bit of meat), and watching some basketball, and I put in the Walk at Home DVD.
I made it through the mile pretty good. So I figured I would go ahead and try to do the second mile as well. Oh. My. God. I made it about halfway through (not bad!) before I just could not breathe anymore. I had to stop. But! I made it 1.5 miles!! And there was a time I was having a hard time getting through the one mile.
Also, I just finally figured out what the heck they were talking about when they say 'engaging your core'. It's basically, "suck in your stomach so you don't look so fat" and then do these exercises. Well shit, I can do that.
Ok, so that's not as easy as it sounds. It actually takes some serious concentration to hold your stomach in like that while you're trying to sit up and things. But I will get there.
That reminds me. Purchase tomorrow, a pedometer. Measure hips, waist, bust, chest tomorrow and post the measurements. Every month, or two weeks, I will post new measurements. I just need to keep reminding myself that this is good for me. This is going to work. Quick results are not necessarily good results.
The best weight loss is slow and steady and easy. I need to remember to not get frustrated and give up. I need to remember that my motivations are important, and that sticking to them is important and easy. And that if I can reach this goal, I will not only gain better things physically, but also mentally and emotionally.
I want to get onto that plane heading to kiwiland and be able to not only fit into the airline seat, but be able to move about comfortably without sticking my ass into other people's faces just to get up and pee. I want to be able to get off that airplane, walk through the gate, see him standing there and then watch him stare when he realises just how damned good I look.
And I am gonna keep on struggling and suffering and making it through.
I. Can. Do. This.
YES I CAN!!!
It rained today.
And it was cold.
So there was no outside for ME today, cause my joints right now just cannot take the cold and damp weather. But! I went through that Valerie Bertinelli dvd the other night, not doing the exercises, just watching the routine, trying to find something I might be able to pull out and do on my own. No such luck, all of the moves involved bending the knees in really painful and uncomfortable ways for me.
However! In the bonus section, there is an abs workout. And you know what? I can do them!!!!! (yes, the exclamation points are necessary) So I've done about three sets of twenty crunches at different points throughout the day. And then tonight, I came upstairs after having a rather indulgent dinner of tacos with all the fixings (cheese, sour cream, avocado, lettuce, peppers, beans, rice, and a little bit of meat), and watching some basketball, and I put in the Walk at Home DVD.
I made it through the mile pretty good. So I figured I would go ahead and try to do the second mile as well. Oh. My. God. I made it about halfway through (not bad!) before I just could not breathe anymore. I had to stop. But! I made it 1.5 miles!! And there was a time I was having a hard time getting through the one mile.
Also, I just finally figured out what the heck they were talking about when they say 'engaging your core'. It's basically, "suck in your stomach so you don't look so fat" and then do these exercises. Well shit, I can do that.
Ok, so that's not as easy as it sounds. It actually takes some serious concentration to hold your stomach in like that while you're trying to sit up and things. But I will get there.
That reminds me. Purchase tomorrow, a pedometer. Measure hips, waist, bust, chest tomorrow and post the measurements. Every month, or two weeks, I will post new measurements. I just need to keep reminding myself that this is good for me. This is going to work. Quick results are not necessarily good results.
The best weight loss is slow and steady and easy. I need to remember to not get frustrated and give up. I need to remember that my motivations are important, and that sticking to them is important and easy. And that if I can reach this goal, I will not only gain better things physically, but also mentally and emotionally.
I want to get onto that plane heading to kiwiland and be able to not only fit into the airline seat, but be able to move about comfortably without sticking my ass into other people's faces just to get up and pee. I want to be able to get off that airplane, walk through the gate, see him standing there and then watch him stare when he realises just how damned good I look.
And I am gonna keep on struggling and suffering and making it through.
I. Can. Do. This.
YES I CAN!!!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Trials and Tribulations
Uggghhhhhh
Arrggghhhhh
BLARGLE!!!
Yes, that about sums up my feelings over this last week. I can't seem to get the weight to go down. Since the weather's been nicer, I've been walking more, and doing the bike at night. But still, the weight will not go below 260. I know, I KNOW that if I can just get to see 25something I will be motivated to keep going. But this constantly shifting back and forth between 260 and 263 is just obnoxious.
Yes yes, i know, everybody tells me to not worry about two or three pound shifts, they're normal. But when i can't get past them? Ugghh.
I WILL GET TO MY GOAL!
I just once need to see it go below 260.
Also, squats are the devil. DEVIL. I keep trying them, and I keep crying because of how bad my knees are. But! I did do some crunches tonight, and other than my pelvic bone in my back digging into the floor in a very painful manner (i guess this is why they use mats?) it went well. Felt a bit weird laying on my back, my knees raised up and spread, doing crunches, and then lifting my legs straight up, crunch, and the spreading my legs wide, and crunch.
I tried very hard to not think suggestively about that, but it was difficult as i was laying there with my legs spread to the world and crunching up with my head. But! I did feel a little bit of a burn in my stomach. Maybe all I need to get my back to not hurt is to get one of those squishy yoga mat things.
Anybody have any recommendations for exercises that don't need your knees? I need low impact, high reward stuff here. That doesn't involved bending the knees.
I hit a bad spot the other night, and I had almost convinced myself that I wasn't going to be able to make it, or do it, and that I should just give up and stay fat forever. But then the guys in IRC made it better, they talked me up and out. thanks guys. You know who you are. <3<3
Right, off to stretch out in bed, and contemplate what to do tomorrow as it's raining.
Oh! I am going to try and grow things!
I bought seeds for an herb garden (sage, thyme, basil, cilantro, parsely) and some hyacinths and lilys and forget-me-nots! I want to see if I can manage to NOT kill things. if I can succeed at this, then maybe when I get to kiwiland, I can start a small herb/veg garden where we live. Just in containers and such. For healthy living!! and things.
I hope it stops raining in the evening so that I can go take my walk.
laters!
Arrggghhhhh
BLARGLE!!!
Yes, that about sums up my feelings over this last week. I can't seem to get the weight to go down. Since the weather's been nicer, I've been walking more, and doing the bike at night. But still, the weight will not go below 260. I know, I KNOW that if I can just get to see 25something I will be motivated to keep going. But this constantly shifting back and forth between 260 and 263 is just obnoxious.
Yes yes, i know, everybody tells me to not worry about two or three pound shifts, they're normal. But when i can't get past them? Ugghh.
I WILL GET TO MY GOAL!
I just once need to see it go below 260.
Also, squats are the devil. DEVIL. I keep trying them, and I keep crying because of how bad my knees are. But! I did do some crunches tonight, and other than my pelvic bone in my back digging into the floor in a very painful manner (i guess this is why they use mats?) it went well. Felt a bit weird laying on my back, my knees raised up and spread, doing crunches, and then lifting my legs straight up, crunch, and the spreading my legs wide, and crunch.
I tried very hard to not think suggestively about that, but it was difficult as i was laying there with my legs spread to the world and crunching up with my head. But! I did feel a little bit of a burn in my stomach. Maybe all I need to get my back to not hurt is to get one of those squishy yoga mat things.
Anybody have any recommendations for exercises that don't need your knees? I need low impact, high reward stuff here. That doesn't involved bending the knees.
I hit a bad spot the other night, and I had almost convinced myself that I wasn't going to be able to make it, or do it, and that I should just give up and stay fat forever. But then the guys in IRC made it better, they talked me up and out. thanks guys. You know who you are. <3<3
Right, off to stretch out in bed, and contemplate what to do tomorrow as it's raining.
Oh! I am going to try and grow things!
I bought seeds for an herb garden (sage, thyme, basil, cilantro, parsely) and some hyacinths and lilys and forget-me-nots! I want to see if I can manage to NOT kill things. if I can succeed at this, then maybe when I get to kiwiland, I can start a small herb/veg garden where we live. Just in containers and such. For healthy living!! and things.
I hope it stops raining in the evening so that I can go take my walk.
laters!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Danger Ahead
Fine.
I will admit that i have fallen off the wagon hard core.
Mostly because I was sick all last weekend and the weather has had me down in the dumps. However! This will change! The sun has been out and shining, the weather has been absolutely fantastic. The dog and I went out and played today, and while I'm working all day tomorrow (which is enough of a workout on it's own) I am not working on Friday. So. I will get onto the bicycle! I will ride around the neighborhood on the bicycle. I will not fall off the bicycle.
Also, a HS f friend Lindsay wants to take me roller skating on sunday. Now, I don'tknow if I've mentioned this here or not, but I do not know how to roller skate. I just don't. I learned how to do it on carpet, but anybody can do it on carpet. Lindsay wants to take me skating and show me how. She's been going skating the last few weekends or something with her son and she's lost quite a bit of weight. So, maybe I will finally learn how to roller skate.
maybe I can learn how to roller skate before going to kiwiland. And then the kiwi and I can go skating around everywhere as opposed to biking around.
Also, I picked up some glucosamine & chondrointin with MSM pills today. 2 pills a day. And these are MASSIVE pills! Another thing, does anybody have any ideas on whether or not multivitamins can make you sick? I had one this morning after eating and it was like my stomach turned into sewage or something. uggh. Didn't vomit but felt like I was going to.
Alright. So that's all the excitement from me. I'll check in on friday with a funny story about me falling off the bike (I'm sure) and then on Sunday to say whether I learned to skate or if I fell down and broke my ankle/tailbone/everything just by trying to get wheels on my feet.
You never know. It could happen.
I will admit that i have fallen off the wagon hard core.
Mostly because I was sick all last weekend and the weather has had me down in the dumps. However! This will change! The sun has been out and shining, the weather has been absolutely fantastic. The dog and I went out and played today, and while I'm working all day tomorrow (which is enough of a workout on it's own) I am not working on Friday. So. I will get onto the bicycle! I will ride around the neighborhood on the bicycle. I will not fall off the bicycle.
Also, a HS f friend Lindsay wants to take me roller skating on sunday. Now, I don'tknow if I've mentioned this here or not, but I do not know how to roller skate. I just don't. I learned how to do it on carpet, but anybody can do it on carpet. Lindsay wants to take me skating and show me how. She's been going skating the last few weekends or something with her son and she's lost quite a bit of weight. So, maybe I will finally learn how to roller skate.
maybe I can learn how to roller skate before going to kiwiland. And then the kiwi and I can go skating around everywhere as opposed to biking around.
Also, I picked up some glucosamine & chondrointin with MSM pills today. 2 pills a day. And these are MASSIVE pills! Another thing, does anybody have any ideas on whether or not multivitamins can make you sick? I had one this morning after eating and it was like my stomach turned into sewage or something. uggh. Didn't vomit but felt like I was going to.
Alright. So that's all the excitement from me. I'll check in on friday with a funny story about me falling off the bike (I'm sure) and then on Sunday to say whether I learned to skate or if I fell down and broke my ankle/tailbone/everything just by trying to get wheels on my feet.
You never know. It could happen.
Friday, March 12, 2010
A List of Motivations
So.
I have come to realize that the picture over there, as motivating as it is, is not just quite enough.
So, I have decide to make a list of motivations to keep myself going. I was going to add them as a tabbed page on my blog, but I'm apparently too stupid to figure that one out on my own, so whatever.
So, here is my List of Motivations, with a few notes added in on the side.
Motivation Numbah One! (numbah one!): Health
Yes, this is an important motivation. My father has Diabetes, his mother had diabetes. My mother had breast cancer when she was younger than I am right now and my father's mother died from complications of breast cancer. My father has also had cancer. Add into that my problems with my joints and the arthritis and my mom's heart disease and you get all sorts of Health reasons to lose weight.
Motivation Numbah Two! (numbah two!): Beauty
Alright, so it's vanity. Who cares? I do. Yes, I get told I'm pretty. Yes, I've even been told that I'm beautiful. Yes, I get told often that I look great the way that I am. And yes, I've been told that how I look doesn't factor into the way he feels about me. And yes, I've even been told that I can still turn him on, no matter that I think that I look like a beached albino whale. And I even partly believe him, and others,when they say that I'm pretty. But you know what? I know that I can be prettier. At least physically. I want to know that when i'm told i'm pretty or beautiful, that I really am.
Motivation Numbah Three! (numbah two point five!): Vanity
So this kinda ties in with Beauty, but it's a bit different. I want to not only be told I'm beautiful, but the truly vain part of me wants to be able to walk down a street or into a room and have men's eyes follow me, have girlfriends smack their boyfriends, and have lesbians breathe just a little bit harder from my presence. Do I think in reality that i will ever in a million years achieve this level of Sex Goddess? Nope! But That Doesn't mean I can't try.
Motivation Numbah Four! (numbah three!): Dancing
Alright, enough of the over-reaching generic ideas. Let's get specific. I want to dance. I want to dance with my Kiwi and make the world go away. I want to samba and tango and rumba and mambo and swing dance like there's no tomorrow. And I want to do it without fear of my joints grinding together and wearing completely down. I want to dance without worrying about other people watching. I want to dance without worrying about whether I look like the Michelin man in a skirt. Or a colorful blob of jello that got dropped onto the dance floor.
Motivation Numbah Five! (numbah...four?): Sex
Why try to hide it? Sex is an important motivation. Not just the flexibility that will come from not having a Nascar regulation tire around my middle, but also increased pleasure. Ever wonder why porn stars make all that noise? Well sure, the majority of them are acting, but the amateurs do it cause of sensation. And they're all skinny. Also, the mechanics involved in sexual intercourse change dramatically when it's physically possible to be picked up and pressed into a wall by the man you love. Not that I know for sure. But I'm guessing that this is so, and therefore I want that to be a possibility so I lose the weight.
Motivation Numbah Six! (numbah what?): That Movie Scene
Yes. you know that one. It's been done and done and overdone so many times. Boy and girl miss each other. Boy and girl see each other after long separation. Boy and Girl start to run to each other, as the slow motion begins and the music starts. And they run and they run and they meet in the middle and boy lifts girl into his arms and they spin around amid a crowd of blurry other people and then Boy sets girl down onto her feet as they kiss hello. Sappy? Hell yes. Romantic? Yes. Trite and overdone? Yes. Do I care? No. Do I want it? Oh Hell Yes.
Motivation Numbah Seven! (you can't count): Airplanes
Ok, so this one seems like it's out there, right? What the hell do airplanes have to do with weight loss? Have you ever been in the situation where you had to ask the flight attendant for a seatbelt extender? have you? You haven't? Then you don't understand this one and probably won't. There is nothing in this world more embarassing (there probably is, but go with it for the moment) than asking a stewardess to get you a belt extender cause you're too damned fat to buckle the seat belt around your hips. Or, you do the stupid thing that I did, which was fly all the way from Maine to Houston without a seatbelt on. This should not happen. And if I lose the weight it won't happen.
Motivation Numbah Eight1 (it should be seven): Children
No. I don't have them. maybe I do want them. But if I did have children in the future, I do not want them to have a fat mommy. Cause "Yo momma so fat" jokes are just horrible. And should not be inflicted on any child. My kids (eventual or otherwise) will have enough troubles being Jewish (and if they're mine and the kiwi's jewish and Asian) that having a fat momma is just not fair. Plus, I want to be able to run with my kids, take them outside and play. And chase them on their bicycles after we take the training wheels off.
I'm sure that there are more. But, I can't get to them just yet. My brain stopped working. But I'll think of more later. Now, it's bedtime. Weigh-in tomorrow morning. Eek.
I have come to realize that the picture over there, as motivating as it is, is not just quite enough.
So, I have decide to make a list of motivations to keep myself going. I was going to add them as a tabbed page on my blog, but I'm apparently too stupid to figure that one out on my own, so whatever.
So, here is my List of Motivations, with a few notes added in on the side.
Motivation Numbah One! (numbah one!): Health
Yes, this is an important motivation. My father has Diabetes, his mother had diabetes. My mother had breast cancer when she was younger than I am right now and my father's mother died from complications of breast cancer. My father has also had cancer. Add into that my problems with my joints and the arthritis and my mom's heart disease and you get all sorts of Health reasons to lose weight.
Motivation Numbah Two! (numbah two!): Beauty
Alright, so it's vanity. Who cares? I do. Yes, I get told I'm pretty. Yes, I've even been told that I'm beautiful. Yes, I get told often that I look great the way that I am. And yes, I've been told that how I look doesn't factor into the way he feels about me. And yes, I've even been told that I can still turn him on, no matter that I think that I look like a beached albino whale. And I even partly believe him, and others,when they say that I'm pretty. But you know what? I know that I can be prettier. At least physically. I want to know that when i'm told i'm pretty or beautiful, that I really am.
Motivation Numbah Three! (numbah two point five!): Vanity
So this kinda ties in with Beauty, but it's a bit different. I want to not only be told I'm beautiful, but the truly vain part of me wants to be able to walk down a street or into a room and have men's eyes follow me, have girlfriends smack their boyfriends, and have lesbians breathe just a little bit harder from my presence. Do I think in reality that i will ever in a million years achieve this level of Sex Goddess? Nope! But That Doesn't mean I can't try.
Motivation Numbah Four! (numbah three!): Dancing
Alright, enough of the over-reaching generic ideas. Let's get specific. I want to dance. I want to dance with my Kiwi and make the world go away. I want to samba and tango and rumba and mambo and swing dance like there's no tomorrow. And I want to do it without fear of my joints grinding together and wearing completely down. I want to dance without worrying about other people watching. I want to dance without worrying about whether I look like the Michelin man in a skirt. Or a colorful blob of jello that got dropped onto the dance floor.
Motivation Numbah Five! (numbah...four?): Sex
Why try to hide it? Sex is an important motivation. Not just the flexibility that will come from not having a Nascar regulation tire around my middle, but also increased pleasure. Ever wonder why porn stars make all that noise? Well sure, the majority of them are acting, but the amateurs do it cause of sensation. And they're all skinny. Also, the mechanics involved in sexual intercourse change dramatically when it's physically possible to be picked up and pressed into a wall by the man you love. Not that I know for sure. But I'm guessing that this is so, and therefore I want that to be a possibility so I lose the weight.
Motivation Numbah Six! (numbah what?): That Movie Scene
Yes. you know that one. It's been done and done and overdone so many times. Boy and girl miss each other. Boy and girl see each other after long separation. Boy and Girl start to run to each other, as the slow motion begins and the music starts. And they run and they run and they meet in the middle and boy lifts girl into his arms and they spin around amid a crowd of blurry other people and then Boy sets girl down onto her feet as they kiss hello. Sappy? Hell yes. Romantic? Yes. Trite and overdone? Yes. Do I care? No. Do I want it? Oh Hell Yes.
Motivation Numbah Seven! (you can't count): Airplanes
Ok, so this one seems like it's out there, right? What the hell do airplanes have to do with weight loss? Have you ever been in the situation where you had to ask the flight attendant for a seatbelt extender? have you? You haven't? Then you don't understand this one and probably won't. There is nothing in this world more embarassing (there probably is, but go with it for the moment) than asking a stewardess to get you a belt extender cause you're too damned fat to buckle the seat belt around your hips. Or, you do the stupid thing that I did, which was fly all the way from Maine to Houston without a seatbelt on. This should not happen. And if I lose the weight it won't happen.
Motivation Numbah Eight1 (it should be seven): Children
No. I don't have them. maybe I do want them. But if I did have children in the future, I do not want them to have a fat mommy. Cause "Yo momma so fat" jokes are just horrible. And should not be inflicted on any child. My kids (eventual or otherwise) will have enough troubles being Jewish (and if they're mine and the kiwi's jewish and Asian) that having a fat momma is just not fair. Plus, I want to be able to run with my kids, take them outside and play. And chase them on their bicycles after we take the training wheels off.
I'm sure that there are more. But, I can't get to them just yet. My brain stopped working. But I'll think of more later. Now, it's bedtime. Weigh-in tomorrow morning. Eek.
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