Curiouser and Curiouser

So no.  My exercise is not back on track.  No, my motivation has flown right straight out the window almost completely.  I keep trying to fight it back in, but the lazy king gets hold of me, and the fuckit queen smacks me around, and soon, I just stop fighting against it and give in.

I look at the chart on my wall and I see that it's possible, I see that i can lose the weight.  But then I see that 5 pound gain and it's just depressing again.  And I know why it jumped, and I know that I need to get myself back under control again.  I know, deep down, that I can do this.  but, how do I get myself motivated again?

But that's not actually the point of this post.  The point and impetus behind this post is to examine inadequacies. My inadequacies, perceived or actual, and what I should do about them. 

What brings this on?  Well, the inability to psych myself up into the exercise again could easily be one thing.  The other is, not finishing college.  What's brought this up?

My kiwi got a permanent job offering from his company.  Halfway through his internship thing with them, and they've already decided that they like him well enough to offer him a full time position.  That's fantastic.  It's so over the moon awesome.  I was talking with some mutual friends about it, and one of them, who's opinion I greatly respect and value, basically said that the offer was a no-brainer.  My Kiwi is a brilliant man.  And that I should snatch him up as much and as soon as possible.

Snatch him up. 

I love him. And he loves me.  But just how snatched should I go?  Do I get him a ring and ask him to marry me in September? For Real? Like, For real real?  And even if I do, and he says yes, and we throw together a hasty ceremony over the weekend in Seattle, then what?  I move to New Zealand obviously.  But... am I worth all that? Am I really worthy of this, of him? What do I have to offer him other than love, affection, and good cooking?

I'm a college dropout, one class away from a degree that is considered by some, if not most, to be utterly useless.  Unless I want to teach, which I don't, cause I can't stand the thought of teaching. Snot-nosed little brats.  And by that I mean high schoolers. 

My whole work history is customer service of some type (retail or telecommunications) and theatre.  I would bring absolutely nothing to the table but maybe enough money to cover our internet bill.  And some groceries. 

Doesn't he deserve something more than that?  I mean, sure, I'm going to finish up my degree this summer, and I'll have a degree.  Outstanding.  It won't get me paid any more money.  It won't magically open a door to some career somewhere that will be the perfect combination of what I've always wanted to do with my life.

So how do I prove to him, and mostly to myself, that I'm worthy of him?

I'm curious as to how one goes about that.  How do you prove worthiness?

How do I prove my worth?