So. The motivation has returned. For the most part. I have given myself almost a 3 hour window every night to exercise and clean and take care of things that need to be taken care of.
So the last few nights, I've been upstairs by 1130, turned on the walking video, and I been pushing myself through all 3 miles of exercise. that's just under 45 minutes. hot, sweaty 45 minutes of moving and walking through my weight. And i'm actually keeping up with the lady now, and I'm succeeding in doing all of the moves without wimping out and going just back to walking. I'm having some troubles with the arm motions and continuing them all the way through, BUT I will get there. I will get my arms stronger. and I will get myself stronger.
I have, however, possibly encountered a small problem. While exercising, the standard thing to do it to tighten your stomach muscles, the 'core', and hold it like that throughout. now this is difficult to do in the beginning, but i've kinda gotten used to it. and I now find myself doing it more and more throughout the day and my daily routines. The problem? I'm starting to get slight acid reflux from doing so. Now I've had stomach problems with acid my entire adult life. I take acid reflux medicine every day and have for years. But, I noticed that while gardening the other day and leaning down to pull weeds, I was getting the same acid in my stomach and chest that i got a little bit of tonight.
I wonder if this is standard....
Also, it is impossible to exercise with Manu, the cat, anywhere near me. He wants to cuddle. He wants to cuddle now. And if the only way for us to cuddle is for him to lay on the floor behind where my head would go while doing crunches, well then dammit that is where he will be. And forget trying to do this pilates move of lifting your hips and butt off the ground while laying in the core position. The cat will be ON your stomach, trying to get loves. Or headbutting you until your glasses come off. Or any other number of things. It's just... It's a comedy of errors, and if I was not so embarrassed about how my body looks, I would have somebody video tape it, because I don't think anybody would believe me without seeing it. But I'm not getting in front of a video camera like that until i'm down at least another two pants sizes. At least.
Now! Moving on to other self improvement I have been working on. My dental hygiene is not the best. It never has been. My parents tried when I was younger, but I knew that there was flouride in our drinking water and I'd never had a cavity, so what was the point in brushing my teeth? That's persisted into my adult life as well. Add on the nine years of smoking and coffee, and you can well imagine what my teeth look like. Well. I was getting tired of not being able to smile. And my Kiwi has just the best teeth ever. Well ok, some celebrities might have him beat, but those people are not real and probably gargle bleach. So, I have begun a regimen with whitening toothpaste and mouthwash. And it's only been a few days of using them twice a day (morning and night) and my teeth are already looking whiter and feeling cleaner.
But the problem? Nothing tastes the same!! I mean, I had a bowl of honey nut cheerios the other morning (before brushing my teeth for the morning) and my mouth still had the toothpaste taste from the night before and the cheerios tasted terrible! Sadness! But that is a small price to pay for looking pretty and having teeth in my mouth for a few more years at least.
97 days until Seattle. I bought my plane tickets tonight..... So much relief.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Curiouser and Curiouser
So no. My exercise is not back on track. No, my motivation has flown right straight out the window almost completely. I keep trying to fight it back in, but the lazy king gets hold of me, and the fuckit queen smacks me around, and soon, I just stop fighting against it and give in.
I look at the chart on my wall and I see that it's possible, I see that i can lose the weight. But then I see that 5 pound gain and it's just depressing again. And I know why it jumped, and I know that I need to get myself back under control again. I know, deep down, that I can do this. but, how do I get myself motivated again?
But that's not actually the point of this post. The point and impetus behind this post is to examine inadequacies. My inadequacies, perceived or actual, and what I should do about them.
What brings this on? Well, the inability to psych myself up into the exercise again could easily be one thing. The other is, not finishing college. What's brought this up?
My kiwi got a permanent job offering from his company. Halfway through his internship thing with them, and they've already decided that they like him well enough to offer him a full time position. That's fantastic. It's so over the moon awesome. I was talking with some mutual friends about it, and one of them, who's opinion I greatly respect and value, basically said that the offer was a no-brainer. My Kiwi is a brilliant man. And that I should snatch him up as much and as soon as possible.
Snatch him up.
I love him. And he loves me. But just how snatched should I go? Do I get him a ring and ask him to marry me in September? For Real? Like, For real real? And even if I do, and he says yes, and we throw together a hasty ceremony over the weekend in Seattle, then what? I move to New Zealand obviously. But... am I worth all that? Am I really worthy of this, of him? What do I have to offer him other than love, affection, and good cooking?
I'm a college dropout, one class away from a degree that is considered by some, if not most, to be utterly useless. Unless I want to teach, which I don't, cause I can't stand the thought of teaching. Snot-nosed little brats. And by that I mean high schoolers.
My whole work history is customer service of some type (retail or telecommunications) and theatre. I would bring absolutely nothing to the table but maybe enough money to cover our internet bill. And some groceries.
Doesn't he deserve something more than that? I mean, sure, I'm going to finish up my degree this summer, and I'll have a degree. Outstanding. It won't get me paid any more money. It won't magically open a door to some career somewhere that will be the perfect combination of what I've always wanted to do with my life.
So how do I prove to him, and mostly to myself, that I'm worthy of him?
I'm curious as to how one goes about that. How do you prove worthiness?
How do I prove my worth?
I look at the chart on my wall and I see that it's possible, I see that i can lose the weight. But then I see that 5 pound gain and it's just depressing again. And I know why it jumped, and I know that I need to get myself back under control again. I know, deep down, that I can do this. but, how do I get myself motivated again?
But that's not actually the point of this post. The point and impetus behind this post is to examine inadequacies. My inadequacies, perceived or actual, and what I should do about them.
What brings this on? Well, the inability to psych myself up into the exercise again could easily be one thing. The other is, not finishing college. What's brought this up?
My kiwi got a permanent job offering from his company. Halfway through his internship thing with them, and they've already decided that they like him well enough to offer him a full time position. That's fantastic. It's so over the moon awesome. I was talking with some mutual friends about it, and one of them, who's opinion I greatly respect and value, basically said that the offer was a no-brainer. My Kiwi is a brilliant man. And that I should snatch him up as much and as soon as possible.
Snatch him up.
I love him. And he loves me. But just how snatched should I go? Do I get him a ring and ask him to marry me in September? For Real? Like, For real real? And even if I do, and he says yes, and we throw together a hasty ceremony over the weekend in Seattle, then what? I move to New Zealand obviously. But... am I worth all that? Am I really worthy of this, of him? What do I have to offer him other than love, affection, and good cooking?
I'm a college dropout, one class away from a degree that is considered by some, if not most, to be utterly useless. Unless I want to teach, which I don't, cause I can't stand the thought of teaching. Snot-nosed little brats. And by that I mean high schoolers.
My whole work history is customer service of some type (retail or telecommunications) and theatre. I would bring absolutely nothing to the table but maybe enough money to cover our internet bill. And some groceries.
Doesn't he deserve something more than that? I mean, sure, I'm going to finish up my degree this summer, and I'll have a degree. Outstanding. It won't get me paid any more money. It won't magically open a door to some career somewhere that will be the perfect combination of what I've always wanted to do with my life.
So how do I prove to him, and mostly to myself, that I'm worthy of him?
I'm curious as to how one goes about that. How do you prove worthiness?
How do I prove my worth?
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Drama
So. You might have noticed that I haven't posted much lately.
Well things got a little crazy here at home. To make a long story short, my mom went into the hospital two weeks ago thinking she had appendicitis. Actually, it was colon cancer. Now, this was around the same time that I was on my period (don't like the graphic? tough.) and wasn't feeling very up to exercising at all. Add onto that the stress with mom being sick, and yeah, I stopped exercising.
I gained back 5 pounds and shot all the way up to 263. Back where I was when I started all this.
Sigh.
And I just haven't felt it lately. I've been feeling slow, sluggish, and ohso depressed.
mom's fine, she's back home, and she'll be home for another few weeks still. and Iknow that I really just need to get my rear end back into gear and focused on this weight loss again. But my main focus now is making sure my mother's alright. And then, taking my last class for my degree this summer. I will fit in exercise there somewhere.
So there, that's the update that I'm sure people have been wanting. No, my heart really isn't into this right now. It's not into much of anything right now at all. But that's what being depressed is all about.
I'm depressed about mom, so I stop exercising. I stop exercising and I gain the weight. I gain the weight and I get depressed again. etc etc etc.
I need a good motivational kick in the pants.
And more sleep.
Well things got a little crazy here at home. To make a long story short, my mom went into the hospital two weeks ago thinking she had appendicitis. Actually, it was colon cancer. Now, this was around the same time that I was on my period (don't like the graphic? tough.) and wasn't feeling very up to exercising at all. Add onto that the stress with mom being sick, and yeah, I stopped exercising.
I gained back 5 pounds and shot all the way up to 263. Back where I was when I started all this.
Sigh.
And I just haven't felt it lately. I've been feeling slow, sluggish, and ohso depressed.
mom's fine, she's back home, and she'll be home for another few weeks still. and Iknow that I really just need to get my rear end back into gear and focused on this weight loss again. But my main focus now is making sure my mother's alright. And then, taking my last class for my degree this summer. I will fit in exercise there somewhere.
So there, that's the update that I'm sure people have been wanting. No, my heart really isn't into this right now. It's not into much of anything right now at all. But that's what being depressed is all about.
I'm depressed about mom, so I stop exercising. I stop exercising and I gain the weight. I gain the weight and I get depressed again. etc etc etc.
I need a good motivational kick in the pants.
And more sleep.
Friday, April 30, 2010
1d6
yeah, I know, I'm a geek. get over it.
I was thinking tonight, my life right now, and for most of this summer is going to be much like rolling a die. One six sided die to be exact, or as my friends say 1d6. So what is it that is going to be on this six-sided die?
1: Home-life
With mom having just gotten home from the hospital, my devotion to the household is going to need to increase. Especially since I am not sure just how much she will need me to take care of her, or for how long she'll be out of 'commission' so to speak. So i'm going to need to be home more and do more around the house for a while.
1: Work-life
I'm hoping to get a new position soon. And hoping to get more hours. So that's at least 8 or 9 hours out of a day devoted to that pursuit of money.
3: Friends
Yes,I do somehow miraculously have them. They're all online, this is true, and most people won't consider them to be 'real friends' but those people can kiss my fat fat butt. They're my friends and I don't particularly want to do without them.
4: Love-life
Ee. My Kiwi. Somewhere in all of this chaos that is going to be my life, I need to find time for you, and for us. Time for us to spend together, to talk, and to just grow closer, even though there's an ocean between us.
5: Exercise
Somewhere in all of this, I am also hoping to make time for the gym and exercise, because while I have completely reversed this last week and gained back all of the weight that I had lost (stress and mother nature and depression will do that), I am still determined to lose weight and get trim.
6: School
yes, I am going back to school. It's only going to be one class, an online course, this summer taken through the UD and then transferred to Rutgers in order to finally get my degree. I am determined to tackle this course and come out the other side with at least a B. I will not settle for anything less than that.
But this is going to take up quite a bit of my time, and my energy. So if I seem distracted this summer, all of these are reasons why. There is so much going on in my world right now, that I'm going to have to perfect my compartmentalising techniques so that I don't go completely insane.
So that's what's going through my head tonight, and the last few days. Maybe i'll be back soon with an update, maybe not. I'll try.
I was thinking tonight, my life right now, and for most of this summer is going to be much like rolling a die. One six sided die to be exact, or as my friends say 1d6. So what is it that is going to be on this six-sided die?
1: Home-life
With mom having just gotten home from the hospital, my devotion to the household is going to need to increase. Especially since I am not sure just how much she will need me to take care of her, or for how long she'll be out of 'commission' so to speak. So i'm going to need to be home more and do more around the house for a while.
1: Work-life
I'm hoping to get a new position soon. And hoping to get more hours. So that's at least 8 or 9 hours out of a day devoted to that pursuit of money.
3: Friends
Yes,I do somehow miraculously have them. They're all online, this is true, and most people won't consider them to be 'real friends' but those people can kiss my fat fat butt. They're my friends and I don't particularly want to do without them.
4: Love-life
Ee. My Kiwi. Somewhere in all of this chaos that is going to be my life, I need to find time for you, and for us. Time for us to spend together, to talk, and to just grow closer, even though there's an ocean between us.
5: Exercise
Somewhere in all of this, I am also hoping to make time for the gym and exercise, because while I have completely reversed this last week and gained back all of the weight that I had lost (stress and mother nature and depression will do that), I am still determined to lose weight and get trim.
6: School
yes, I am going back to school. It's only going to be one class, an online course, this summer taken through the UD and then transferred to Rutgers in order to finally get my degree. I am determined to tackle this course and come out the other side with at least a B. I will not settle for anything less than that.
But this is going to take up quite a bit of my time, and my energy. So if I seem distracted this summer, all of these are reasons why. There is so much going on in my world right now, that I'm going to have to perfect my compartmentalising techniques so that I don't go completely insane.
So that's what's going through my head tonight, and the last few days. Maybe i'll be back soon with an update, maybe not. I'll try.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Rats In a Cage
So, I've come to the conclusion that what I've been doing so far as exercise is just not working enough. So, I want to go and join a gym. But I was unsure of which one. Now, I was over at the SuperFresh in town (where I found the chocolate oikos yoghurt but that's another story) and right next door is a Curves. So I go into the Curves and sit down while I wait for the person working to finish up with a client.
Now, first impression, there's decent music going in the background and the machines, while they look slightly like medieval torture devices moved into the 21st century by being made out of white metal, do not look all that intimidating. There are three women working out today, and I watch them as they move about the stations. Now, here's the thing, there are like 8 machines, maybe 9, with a walking platform in between each one. Seemed not too bad, until this voice came over the radio that said "Change Station Now". And these women got off the machines that they were exercising on, moved to the walking platform and then walked (or bounced, or flopped around like a penguin) until the voice spoke agan, ordering them to move.
Now, I dunno about anybody else, but this seems.... automatic. Pavlovian almost. You get about two minutes on each piece of machinery and you go around the circle twice in half an hour. It's just...bizarre.
So sitting there watching this, I finally get a little not-so-hippy girl sititng across from me to go over the details. And I'm sorry, but I just did not feel...comfortable... with this girl. I'm sure she's great, and I'm sure she knows how to keep me from hurting myself on the machines, but something about her just did not inspire confidence.
I want more from a work out than obeying the voice from the radio and barely getting any time on a machine that I think I need. It seems, like a trained monkey and almost that it wouldn't do me any good.
I don't want this fast weightloss or anything like that. I want to do this right. I want to lose the weight and I want to trim and sleek my body and make it firm and just looking good and healthy. Curves does not quite seem geared to that.
Today, however, we stopped by the Extreme Fitness in town and I felt immediately better when I walked in. There are machines for cardio right up front, several different ones (ellipticals, treadmills, bicycles) and then as you move back there are 2 different weight and resistance training machines, ones for beginners and the other for more advanced for strength training. I talked with the woman who runs the place and in the ten minutes that I spent with her, I felt like she knows what she's doing and that I would be safe in that gym.
Extreme Fitness also has showers on location. Only two per dressing room, but there are still showers. I could go to the gym, exercise, and shower before work if I wanted to. This is a huge positive. And it's not too expensive, only $40/month. And that includes the classes (except for spinning which is extra) like kickboxing and yoga and coming soon, Zumba!
This is not a given thing yet, but if I were to choose, I would go to Extreme. it seems more like what I'm looking for in a gym, and it would give me the strength training that I'm hoping for.
We'll see what happens...
Now, first impression, there's decent music going in the background and the machines, while they look slightly like medieval torture devices moved into the 21st century by being made out of white metal, do not look all that intimidating. There are three women working out today, and I watch them as they move about the stations. Now, here's the thing, there are like 8 machines, maybe 9, with a walking platform in between each one. Seemed not too bad, until this voice came over the radio that said "Change Station Now". And these women got off the machines that they were exercising on, moved to the walking platform and then walked (or bounced, or flopped around like a penguin) until the voice spoke agan, ordering them to move.
Now, I dunno about anybody else, but this seems.... automatic. Pavlovian almost. You get about two minutes on each piece of machinery and you go around the circle twice in half an hour. It's just...bizarre.
So sitting there watching this, I finally get a little not-so-hippy girl sititng across from me to go over the details. And I'm sorry, but I just did not feel...comfortable... with this girl. I'm sure she's great, and I'm sure she knows how to keep me from hurting myself on the machines, but something about her just did not inspire confidence.
I want more from a work out than obeying the voice from the radio and barely getting any time on a machine that I think I need. It seems, like a trained monkey and almost that it wouldn't do me any good.
I don't want this fast weightloss or anything like that. I want to do this right. I want to lose the weight and I want to trim and sleek my body and make it firm and just looking good and healthy. Curves does not quite seem geared to that.
Today, however, we stopped by the Extreme Fitness in town and I felt immediately better when I walked in. There are machines for cardio right up front, several different ones (ellipticals, treadmills, bicycles) and then as you move back there are 2 different weight and resistance training machines, ones for beginners and the other for more advanced for strength training. I talked with the woman who runs the place and in the ten minutes that I spent with her, I felt like she knows what she's doing and that I would be safe in that gym.
Extreme Fitness also has showers on location. Only two per dressing room, but there are still showers. I could go to the gym, exercise, and shower before work if I wanted to. This is a huge positive. And it's not too expensive, only $40/month. And that includes the classes (except for spinning which is extra) like kickboxing and yoga and coming soon, Zumba!
This is not a given thing yet, but if I were to choose, I would go to Extreme. it seems more like what I'm looking for in a gym, and it would give me the strength training that I'm hoping for.
We'll see what happens...
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Fat Ceiling
Wow. Been over two weeks since I put anything here. I should more than likely apologize for that. But then, I know of only like.. two people who sometimes read this thing, and only one person that I'm positive of, but I should still feel bad. so here we go, Sorry Sami.
Now, you're probably wondering about the title for this entry, well let me give you a little background here. If you know anything at all about me as I currently am, you'll know that I'm a bit of an American Politics junkie. National stuff mostly, seeing as I don't really have a substantial foothold anywhere to get into local politics. But that's a digression. Being a AmPol junkie (or APJ if you will), I followed the national elections in 2008 very closely. For anybody else who did, you probably heard alot about this whole 'glass ceiling' concept. Mostly from Hilary Clinton supporters.
The Glass Ceiling is a concept developed basically to explain why there hasn't been a female president, or a multitude of female CEOs, etc. It's The Man's (literally) way of keeping a woman down. She can see the top of the ladder, but there's this invisible barrier blocking her way through. Hence, the Glass Ceiling metaphor. Now, I'm not somebody that gives this much credence, and I'm certainly not a Feminist by any means or stretch of the imagination, but it's a decent metaphor for what's been happening, so hear me out.
I had hit a fat ceiling. That was the unmagical weight of 260. I could not, in the last month and a half, get below that weight. I couldn't! I would bounce back and forth, never going over my start of 263, but I could never get below that 260.
Until, last friday. Now, I worked myself to almost death (it felt like) last week. I walked every day, I did anywhere from 65-100 crunches every night, I stretched, I burned, and I hit 259 last weigh in on friday. HELL YEAH! Hear that sound? That's the Fat Ceiling shattering! Probably due to my still massive weight, but still...Shattering!
Now, to just get down to that next level and smash that one too. And then the next. And then the next. I'm trying to decide if I want to celebrate for every 5 lbs lost, or every 10. I'm thinking little celebrations for 5, big letters and possibly balloons for 10.
I'm noticing a weird trend though. I get a little on the cranky side when I haven't had a chance to exercise or go on a walk or anything. I walked for 2 miles this afternoon around the neighborhood, and yet tonight, after eating the ohmygod heavy and rich dinner and then the small bit of carrot cake that I had, I felt so heavy and bloated and I was getting cranky. It was midnight and I wanted to go out and walk around the block just to try and get some calories burned.
But! I put in the new Walk at Home DVD that I got (which has bits of pilates thrown into the walk) and I figured I would do just the 1 mile. I did that no problem, and it went right into mile 2. I was a bit sweaty but I thought that I could keep going, and so I did, right into mile 3. I finished up the 3rd mile and then the stretch and holy god did I feel good. Sweaty as hell, but good. I felt lighter than I did after dinner, and I felt strangely relaxed. I stretched a bit, did my 100 crunches, and then went downstairs to grab my water bottle. Took the dog out and let the cool air help settle me down a bit. then i came inside and showered.
It's amazing just how doing a little bit of exercise can actually make me feel so much better now. Of course, I have to work on my breathing techniques. And I don't think the pilates mat workout will work for me just yet, still too much fat and boob in the way, but I WILL GET THERE!
Side note, I bought a new dress. It's a size 20. I'm hoping and planning on being able to fit into it come september. If not sooner. I will hang said dress up on my wall, or maybe on the back of my door, so that i can look at it and be inspired.
Double Side note, my pants are falling off, but i can't wear a belt. This is frustrating in many many ways.
I think that's it for now, I promise I'll update more often, now that I think I'll have more progress to show.
Now, you're probably wondering about the title for this entry, well let me give you a little background here. If you know anything at all about me as I currently am, you'll know that I'm a bit of an American Politics junkie. National stuff mostly, seeing as I don't really have a substantial foothold anywhere to get into local politics. But that's a digression. Being a AmPol junkie (or APJ if you will), I followed the national elections in 2008 very closely. For anybody else who did, you probably heard alot about this whole 'glass ceiling' concept. Mostly from Hilary Clinton supporters.
The Glass Ceiling is a concept developed basically to explain why there hasn't been a female president, or a multitude of female CEOs, etc. It's The Man's (literally) way of keeping a woman down. She can see the top of the ladder, but there's this invisible barrier blocking her way through. Hence, the Glass Ceiling metaphor. Now, I'm not somebody that gives this much credence, and I'm certainly not a Feminist by any means or stretch of the imagination, but it's a decent metaphor for what's been happening, so hear me out.
I had hit a fat ceiling. That was the unmagical weight of 260. I could not, in the last month and a half, get below that weight. I couldn't! I would bounce back and forth, never going over my start of 263, but I could never get below that 260.
Until, last friday. Now, I worked myself to almost death (it felt like) last week. I walked every day, I did anywhere from 65-100 crunches every night, I stretched, I burned, and I hit 259 last weigh in on friday. HELL YEAH! Hear that sound? That's the Fat Ceiling shattering! Probably due to my still massive weight, but still...Shattering!
Now, to just get down to that next level and smash that one too. And then the next. And then the next. I'm trying to decide if I want to celebrate for every 5 lbs lost, or every 10. I'm thinking little celebrations for 5, big letters and possibly balloons for 10.
I'm noticing a weird trend though. I get a little on the cranky side when I haven't had a chance to exercise or go on a walk or anything. I walked for 2 miles this afternoon around the neighborhood, and yet tonight, after eating the ohmygod heavy and rich dinner and then the small bit of carrot cake that I had, I felt so heavy and bloated and I was getting cranky. It was midnight and I wanted to go out and walk around the block just to try and get some calories burned.
But! I put in the new Walk at Home DVD that I got (which has bits of pilates thrown into the walk) and I figured I would do just the 1 mile. I did that no problem, and it went right into mile 2. I was a bit sweaty but I thought that I could keep going, and so I did, right into mile 3. I finished up the 3rd mile and then the stretch and holy god did I feel good. Sweaty as hell, but good. I felt lighter than I did after dinner, and I felt strangely relaxed. I stretched a bit, did my 100 crunches, and then went downstairs to grab my water bottle. Took the dog out and let the cool air help settle me down a bit. then i came inside and showered.
It's amazing just how doing a little bit of exercise can actually make me feel so much better now. Of course, I have to work on my breathing techniques. And I don't think the pilates mat workout will work for me just yet, still too much fat and boob in the way, but I WILL GET THERE!
Side note, I bought a new dress. It's a size 20. I'm hoping and planning on being able to fit into it come september. If not sooner. I will hang said dress up on my wall, or maybe on the back of my door, so that i can look at it and be inspired.
Double Side note, my pants are falling off, but i can't wear a belt. This is frustrating in many many ways.
I think that's it for now, I promise I'll update more often, now that I think I'll have more progress to show.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Runny Babbits
So. Mom woke me up today to go outside and do some gardening. Ordinarily, or formerly, I would have found that rather dull and boring. But! With this whole new attitude that I'm trying to give myself, I was excited about it.
So we took this little corner in the backyard that my mom already had some Irises and a butterfly bush planted in, and we tilled up the soil, pulled all the weeds and got to work. we planted some pink and white oriental lillies, and some pink calla lillies, as well as a pink hyacinth and a white hyacinth (I love those flowers), and we even put down some forget-me-not seeds. Which will hopefully grown, but I doubt it cause they're apparently fall planting flowers, not spring. Oops.
Also, we put in the 9 heads of Romaine lettuce that my mom bought for me, and I planted my window box with my herbs! Parsley, sage, Rosemary, Basil, and Cilantro. Yum yum! Now I just hope that they grow.
I realised today though, that being out in the dirt was FUN. Well, not for my knees, really. But it was enjoyable and fun and something that I've always wanted to do, but never could. But I'm going to try. Cause if I can grow things, and then I get over to kiwiland, maybe I can make our budget even a little bit friendlier and easier by growing things! edible things!
Also! I got onto my bicycle today! The real one! with Wheels! Now, this might seem like not such a big deal to people. But, you have to realise, I've had this for a few months now, and I've been scared of it. Now, I know that you're going to laugh at that, but it's the truth! I've been terrified of my bicycle. I tried to ride it a month or so ago, but I got myself so afraid of falling off of it, that I couldn't even get myself past getting one foot onto the pedals.
That's my biggest problem. I scare myself so much out of things that I never do them. Like roller skating, or ice skating, or even going out to a bar on my own for a drink. I psyche myself out so badly that I can't do anything. I go to work, I come home. That's it. I'm afraid of new people, and making and keeping relationships too much. I'm afraid of broken hearts, and recently i've been afraid of a bicycle.
but no more! For today i got onto the bicycle, I got both feet onto the pedals and I conquered it! Huzzah! Of cours I didn't ride very far without a helmet on. I'm not sure I like the mountain bike thing. All the gears and the things, but it was twenty something dollars. The last bike that I rode, you had to pedal backwards for the brakes. it was the best thing ever. This bike, there are breaks on the handlebars. But I didn't use them. I jsut let the bike slow down naturally.
So yes! I rode a bicycle! And it was fun! and I shall continue to do so! Right after I get a bigger seat for that bike. because let me tell you, that seat, was just enough for a stick-person to ride. And I'm not talking supermodel or skinny athlete. No. a stick figure. that is the only type of person I can imagine being comfortable. I mean, right up in there all the way. oucchhh.
So, I will now add bicycling to my routine (once I get a bigger seat). Who knows? maybe I'll get to the point where I can bike to work and not need the car. Wouldn't that be nice! at least down here in delaware, I don't need to worry about hills like I would have in maine.
Right, it's 5am. and I need to pass out. I think. yes. sleepy time.
G'night all!
So we took this little corner in the backyard that my mom already had some Irises and a butterfly bush planted in, and we tilled up the soil, pulled all the weeds and got to work. we planted some pink and white oriental lillies, and some pink calla lillies, as well as a pink hyacinth and a white hyacinth (I love those flowers), and we even put down some forget-me-not seeds. Which will hopefully grown, but I doubt it cause they're apparently fall planting flowers, not spring. Oops.
Also, we put in the 9 heads of Romaine lettuce that my mom bought for me, and I planted my window box with my herbs! Parsley, sage, Rosemary, Basil, and Cilantro. Yum yum! Now I just hope that they grow.
I realised today though, that being out in the dirt was FUN. Well, not for my knees, really. But it was enjoyable and fun and something that I've always wanted to do, but never could. But I'm going to try. Cause if I can grow things, and then I get over to kiwiland, maybe I can make our budget even a little bit friendlier and easier by growing things! edible things!
Also! I got onto my bicycle today! The real one! with Wheels! Now, this might seem like not such a big deal to people. But, you have to realise, I've had this for a few months now, and I've been scared of it. Now, I know that you're going to laugh at that, but it's the truth! I've been terrified of my bicycle. I tried to ride it a month or so ago, but I got myself so afraid of falling off of it, that I couldn't even get myself past getting one foot onto the pedals.
That's my biggest problem. I scare myself so much out of things that I never do them. Like roller skating, or ice skating, or even going out to a bar on my own for a drink. I psyche myself out so badly that I can't do anything. I go to work, I come home. That's it. I'm afraid of new people, and making and keeping relationships too much. I'm afraid of broken hearts, and recently i've been afraid of a bicycle.
but no more! For today i got onto the bicycle, I got both feet onto the pedals and I conquered it! Huzzah! Of cours I didn't ride very far without a helmet on. I'm not sure I like the mountain bike thing. All the gears and the things, but it was twenty something dollars. The last bike that I rode, you had to pedal backwards for the brakes. it was the best thing ever. This bike, there are breaks on the handlebars. But I didn't use them. I jsut let the bike slow down naturally.
So yes! I rode a bicycle! And it was fun! and I shall continue to do so! Right after I get a bigger seat for that bike. because let me tell you, that seat, was just enough for a stick-person to ride. And I'm not talking supermodel or skinny athlete. No. a stick figure. that is the only type of person I can imagine being comfortable. I mean, right up in there all the way. oucchhh.
So, I will now add bicycling to my routine (once I get a bigger seat). Who knows? maybe I'll get to the point where I can bike to work and not need the car. Wouldn't that be nice! at least down here in delaware, I don't need to worry about hills like I would have in maine.
Right, it's 5am. and I need to pass out. I think. yes. sleepy time.
G'night all!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
There. That about sums up my attitude on life. At least this very second.
I can't lose the weight. I just can't. I swear to the heavens that if I drop below 260, I am going to party.
I've been walking the last few days. About a mile a day. half mile in the morning, half mile in the evening. I do 20 minutes on the bike every night, and I've been doing crunches every other night, just about 50-60 of them. I do work with the weights with both arms, I've even been adding more exercises.
Some nights, I also do the Leslie Sansome walking too. I did a mile and half the other night with her. I even bought a second DVD of hers to use downstairs.
I'm eating better, i'm eating smaller portions and I'm ingesting more protein and vegetables than before, and STILL I can't get below 260.
The last three weeks, I've been sitting at 262. Granted, I've been doing this heavy regimen on myself for only the last week. But, I will see what happens by next friday. If I still havent' lost significant weight, I think I'm about to just give up.
no. I can't give up. The next step is to go to a gym, where I can find professionals to help me. There's Exreme Fitness in town, as well as Curves. Curves I have to pay membership fees, whereas Extreme is monthly. But, Curves is more likely to have other fat people, whereas everytime i go by Extreme, I see people in there that don't look like they need it.
So, realizing that I might be gaining muscle and losing inches, but still not losing weight, I decided to get my measurements done. So here we go, god these are scary
Bust: 48" (121.9 cm)
Waist: 43" (109.2 cm)
Hips: 58" (147.3 cm)
I will do measurements again next week on friday as well as weighing. If the measurements have gone down, but the weight has stayed steady, then I might be mollified.
Also, I don't know if I'm doing these crunches right. I mean, They hurt a bit when I do them, under the ribs, but i don't hurt too bad right now, not like I did the first night that I did them. or the second night. What if I'm doing all of this and I'm actually doing them wrong? What if that's why I can't lose the weight?
ugh, doubts and drama in my life. I think it might be bed time.
I will look into new running shoes soon. Or walking shoes.
Also, yoga. I would love some opinions on Yoga, or other calming stretchy things, like tai Chi or something.
or comments on this thing at all. so I know I'm not just writing for myself and Sami to read.
I can't lose the weight. I just can't. I swear to the heavens that if I drop below 260, I am going to party.
I've been walking the last few days. About a mile a day. half mile in the morning, half mile in the evening. I do 20 minutes on the bike every night, and I've been doing crunches every other night, just about 50-60 of them. I do work with the weights with both arms, I've even been adding more exercises.
Some nights, I also do the Leslie Sansome walking too. I did a mile and half the other night with her. I even bought a second DVD of hers to use downstairs.
I'm eating better, i'm eating smaller portions and I'm ingesting more protein and vegetables than before, and STILL I can't get below 260.
The last three weeks, I've been sitting at 262. Granted, I've been doing this heavy regimen on myself for only the last week. But, I will see what happens by next friday. If I still havent' lost significant weight, I think I'm about to just give up.
no. I can't give up. The next step is to go to a gym, where I can find professionals to help me. There's Exreme Fitness in town, as well as Curves. Curves I have to pay membership fees, whereas Extreme is monthly. But, Curves is more likely to have other fat people, whereas everytime i go by Extreme, I see people in there that don't look like they need it.
So, realizing that I might be gaining muscle and losing inches, but still not losing weight, I decided to get my measurements done. So here we go, god these are scary
Bust: 48" (121.9 cm)
Waist: 43" (109.2 cm)
Hips: 58" (147.3 cm)
I will do measurements again next week on friday as well as weighing. If the measurements have gone down, but the weight has stayed steady, then I might be mollified.
Also, I don't know if I'm doing these crunches right. I mean, They hurt a bit when I do them, under the ribs, but i don't hurt too bad right now, not like I did the first night that I did them. or the second night. What if I'm doing all of this and I'm actually doing them wrong? What if that's why I can't lose the weight?
ugh, doubts and drama in my life. I think it might be bed time.
I will look into new running shoes soon. Or walking shoes.
Also, yoga. I would love some opinions on Yoga, or other calming stretchy things, like tai Chi or something.
or comments on this thing at all. so I know I'm not just writing for myself and Sami to read.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Inspiration
So, there is something that popped into my head today that is going to change the world. Or at least my world.
The best, single thing, inspiration for losing weight?
Granny panties.
You know what I mean. The big white (or other color) cotton underwear that cover every inch of the female genitalia and leave nothing nothing nothing visible or even imagination inducing at all. Granny Panties. The kinda underwear that only your mother, your grandmother, and your fat cousin wear. Or me. Because I am fat.
Until recently shopping at Fashion Bug, I was unaware that they made underwear for people with my size ass that was even remotely sexy. And yes, I bought some. And yes, damn I look sexy in them. But this have given me both hope and pause. If I can look this good in underwear now, why lose weight? And then I realize, when I get skinnier, i can get BETTER underwear. It's like leveling up in a vidja game or something.
Ahava has defeated Grannypanticus!
Ahava has earned -15 libs!
Ahava has gained: New sexy panties! (can be equipped in town after resting)
So, if I just think about this as a vidja game... I will get horribly horribly bored and not want to do it anymore. That is a horrible analogy. Horrible. We will forget that I even referred to my weight loss as a video game. I will geek out over things, but not that. At least, not in that fashion.
I know, I know, I'm losing nerdpoints. I'm sorry!
Alright, back on topic. Which was granny panties. Now, I will admit, when I'm menstruating, I will still wear my granny panties. Why? because they're comfortable, and when I'm miserable because my insides are falling out and I'm not dying, a little comfort is more important than being sexy. Also, if I have an accident for some reason, i would rather ruin a pair of cheap granny panties than sexy panties.
But, that is a bit more than anybody really wanted, so I'll stop with that line of thought and move on to details.
I have figured out that on a full shift as a cashier, I walk approx 3 miles a day. Granted, that doesn't really count towards much since it's not all at once and it's a slower pace than actually exerwalking. But, there it is. I've started doing crunches. Sami, a flyboy friend of mine, is giving me pointers on how best to do them to maximize my benefit. I figured out that tonight i was able to hit 35 crunches in a minute. It hurt like a bitch, but i did it.
Tonight, I also did 20 minutes in Wii sports with the baseball and tennis, as well as boxing. And another 20 minutes on the stationary bike. I really need to get a better exercise soundtrack. But I must say, "Blue Monday" by Orgy is like, an awesome song for me to ride the bike to. It gets my legs moving and my heart rate going.
Also, dancing at work is fun and enjoyable and I do not understand why most people don't do it.
I got told by a coworker that I act younger than 28. She said I act around 21 or 22. But mostly because I'm always so cheerful and happy and bubbling. She didn't believe me that I was 28. I had to show her my license. Ugggh. I'm almost getting tired of that.
Right, I think that's enough for tonight. To the skinny me in not granny panties!
The best, single thing, inspiration for losing weight?
Granny panties.
You know what I mean. The big white (or other color) cotton underwear that cover every inch of the female genitalia and leave nothing nothing nothing visible or even imagination inducing at all. Granny Panties. The kinda underwear that only your mother, your grandmother, and your fat cousin wear. Or me. Because I am fat.
Until recently shopping at Fashion Bug, I was unaware that they made underwear for people with my size ass that was even remotely sexy. And yes, I bought some. And yes, damn I look sexy in them. But this have given me both hope and pause. If I can look this good in underwear now, why lose weight? And then I realize, when I get skinnier, i can get BETTER underwear. It's like leveling up in a vidja game or something.
Ahava has defeated Grannypanticus!
Ahava has earned -15 libs!
Ahava has gained: New sexy panties! (can be equipped in town after resting)
So, if I just think about this as a vidja game... I will get horribly horribly bored and not want to do it anymore. That is a horrible analogy. Horrible. We will forget that I even referred to my weight loss as a video game. I will geek out over things, but not that. At least, not in that fashion.
I know, I know, I'm losing nerdpoints. I'm sorry!
Alright, back on topic. Which was granny panties. Now, I will admit, when I'm menstruating, I will still wear my granny panties. Why? because they're comfortable, and when I'm miserable because my insides are falling out and I'm not dying, a little comfort is more important than being sexy. Also, if I have an accident for some reason, i would rather ruin a pair of cheap granny panties than sexy panties.
But, that is a bit more than anybody really wanted, so I'll stop with that line of thought and move on to details.
I have figured out that on a full shift as a cashier, I walk approx 3 miles a day. Granted, that doesn't really count towards much since it's not all at once and it's a slower pace than actually exerwalking. But, there it is. I've started doing crunches. Sami, a flyboy friend of mine, is giving me pointers on how best to do them to maximize my benefit. I figured out that tonight i was able to hit 35 crunches in a minute. It hurt like a bitch, but i did it.
Tonight, I also did 20 minutes in Wii sports with the baseball and tennis, as well as boxing. And another 20 minutes on the stationary bike. I really need to get a better exercise soundtrack. But I must say, "Blue Monday" by Orgy is like, an awesome song for me to ride the bike to. It gets my legs moving and my heart rate going.
Also, dancing at work is fun and enjoyable and I do not understand why most people don't do it.
I got told by a coworker that I act younger than 28. She said I act around 21 or 22. But mostly because I'm always so cheerful and happy and bubbling. She didn't believe me that I was 28. I had to show her my license. Ugggh. I'm almost getting tired of that.
Right, I think that's enough for tonight. To the skinny me in not granny panties!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Passover
Passover started at sundown tonight. I've always thought that passover would be an awesome time to start a diet. Especially a low carb diet. Without being allowed to have any leavened bread products, it makes it easy to just keep that kinda thing up. Make it brown rice instead of white rice as your main grain, and it should be easy, right?
It used to be harder before, when all I could really afford was pasta. But now that I'm at home, I've been eating so much less noodles and bread and pasta that it should be easier this year. So maybe this will be my time, maybe I will use this holy week to thrust myself forward on the healthy food thing!
So, what is this passover thing? Eh, I don't feel like explaining it. There's wikipedia, you go figure it out. But there are no leavened bread products in my future for the next week. No bread, cereals, noodles, crackers, cookies, anything that might have a poofing agent in it, can't have.
But! I can eat matzah and rice and other things. So there will be fantastic rice dishes coming up for me! So I hope! Also, matzah brie! Which is essentially scrambled eggs with matzah. It sounds gross, it looks worse, it's so good and simple. and good.
Well, it's off to bed for me. I will complain about exercising later.
It used to be harder before, when all I could really afford was pasta. But now that I'm at home, I've been eating so much less noodles and bread and pasta that it should be easier this year. So maybe this will be my time, maybe I will use this holy week to thrust myself forward on the healthy food thing!
So, what is this passover thing? Eh, I don't feel like explaining it. There's wikipedia, you go figure it out. But there are no leavened bread products in my future for the next week. No bread, cereals, noodles, crackers, cookies, anything that might have a poofing agent in it, can't have.
But! I can eat matzah and rice and other things. So there will be fantastic rice dishes coming up for me! So I hope! Also, matzah brie! Which is essentially scrambled eggs with matzah. It sounds gross, it looks worse, it's so good and simple. and good.
Well, it's off to bed for me. I will complain about exercising later.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
A New Step
So.
It rained today.
And it was cold.
So there was no outside for ME today, cause my joints right now just cannot take the cold and damp weather. But! I went through that Valerie Bertinelli dvd the other night, not doing the exercises, just watching the routine, trying to find something I might be able to pull out and do on my own. No such luck, all of the moves involved bending the knees in really painful and uncomfortable ways for me.
However! In the bonus section, there is an abs workout. And you know what? I can do them!!!!! (yes, the exclamation points are necessary) So I've done about three sets of twenty crunches at different points throughout the day. And then tonight, I came upstairs after having a rather indulgent dinner of tacos with all the fixings (cheese, sour cream, avocado, lettuce, peppers, beans, rice, and a little bit of meat), and watching some basketball, and I put in the Walk at Home DVD.
I made it through the mile pretty good. So I figured I would go ahead and try to do the second mile as well. Oh. My. God. I made it about halfway through (not bad!) before I just could not breathe anymore. I had to stop. But! I made it 1.5 miles!! And there was a time I was having a hard time getting through the one mile.
Also, I just finally figured out what the heck they were talking about when they say 'engaging your core'. It's basically, "suck in your stomach so you don't look so fat" and then do these exercises. Well shit, I can do that.
Ok, so that's not as easy as it sounds. It actually takes some serious concentration to hold your stomach in like that while you're trying to sit up and things. But I will get there.
That reminds me. Purchase tomorrow, a pedometer. Measure hips, waist, bust, chest tomorrow and post the measurements. Every month, or two weeks, I will post new measurements. I just need to keep reminding myself that this is good for me. This is going to work. Quick results are not necessarily good results.
The best weight loss is slow and steady and easy. I need to remember to not get frustrated and give up. I need to remember that my motivations are important, and that sticking to them is important and easy. And that if I can reach this goal, I will not only gain better things physically, but also mentally and emotionally.
I want to get onto that plane heading to kiwiland and be able to not only fit into the airline seat, but be able to move about comfortably without sticking my ass into other people's faces just to get up and pee. I want to be able to get off that airplane, walk through the gate, see him standing there and then watch him stare when he realises just how damned good I look.
And I am gonna keep on struggling and suffering and making it through.
I. Can. Do. This.
YES I CAN!!!
It rained today.
And it was cold.
So there was no outside for ME today, cause my joints right now just cannot take the cold and damp weather. But! I went through that Valerie Bertinelli dvd the other night, not doing the exercises, just watching the routine, trying to find something I might be able to pull out and do on my own. No such luck, all of the moves involved bending the knees in really painful and uncomfortable ways for me.
However! In the bonus section, there is an abs workout. And you know what? I can do them!!!!! (yes, the exclamation points are necessary) So I've done about three sets of twenty crunches at different points throughout the day. And then tonight, I came upstairs after having a rather indulgent dinner of tacos with all the fixings (cheese, sour cream, avocado, lettuce, peppers, beans, rice, and a little bit of meat), and watching some basketball, and I put in the Walk at Home DVD.
I made it through the mile pretty good. So I figured I would go ahead and try to do the second mile as well. Oh. My. God. I made it about halfway through (not bad!) before I just could not breathe anymore. I had to stop. But! I made it 1.5 miles!! And there was a time I was having a hard time getting through the one mile.
Also, I just finally figured out what the heck they were talking about when they say 'engaging your core'. It's basically, "suck in your stomach so you don't look so fat" and then do these exercises. Well shit, I can do that.
Ok, so that's not as easy as it sounds. It actually takes some serious concentration to hold your stomach in like that while you're trying to sit up and things. But I will get there.
That reminds me. Purchase tomorrow, a pedometer. Measure hips, waist, bust, chest tomorrow and post the measurements. Every month, or two weeks, I will post new measurements. I just need to keep reminding myself that this is good for me. This is going to work. Quick results are not necessarily good results.
The best weight loss is slow and steady and easy. I need to remember to not get frustrated and give up. I need to remember that my motivations are important, and that sticking to them is important and easy. And that if I can reach this goal, I will not only gain better things physically, but also mentally and emotionally.
I want to get onto that plane heading to kiwiland and be able to not only fit into the airline seat, but be able to move about comfortably without sticking my ass into other people's faces just to get up and pee. I want to be able to get off that airplane, walk through the gate, see him standing there and then watch him stare when he realises just how damned good I look.
And I am gonna keep on struggling and suffering and making it through.
I. Can. Do. This.
YES I CAN!!!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Trials and Tribulations
Uggghhhhhh
Arrggghhhhh
BLARGLE!!!
Yes, that about sums up my feelings over this last week. I can't seem to get the weight to go down. Since the weather's been nicer, I've been walking more, and doing the bike at night. But still, the weight will not go below 260. I know, I KNOW that if I can just get to see 25something I will be motivated to keep going. But this constantly shifting back and forth between 260 and 263 is just obnoxious.
Yes yes, i know, everybody tells me to not worry about two or three pound shifts, they're normal. But when i can't get past them? Ugghh.
I WILL GET TO MY GOAL!
I just once need to see it go below 260.
Also, squats are the devil. DEVIL. I keep trying them, and I keep crying because of how bad my knees are. But! I did do some crunches tonight, and other than my pelvic bone in my back digging into the floor in a very painful manner (i guess this is why they use mats?) it went well. Felt a bit weird laying on my back, my knees raised up and spread, doing crunches, and then lifting my legs straight up, crunch, and the spreading my legs wide, and crunch.
I tried very hard to not think suggestively about that, but it was difficult as i was laying there with my legs spread to the world and crunching up with my head. But! I did feel a little bit of a burn in my stomach. Maybe all I need to get my back to not hurt is to get one of those squishy yoga mat things.
Anybody have any recommendations for exercises that don't need your knees? I need low impact, high reward stuff here. That doesn't involved bending the knees.
I hit a bad spot the other night, and I had almost convinced myself that I wasn't going to be able to make it, or do it, and that I should just give up and stay fat forever. But then the guys in IRC made it better, they talked me up and out. thanks guys. You know who you are. <3<3
Right, off to stretch out in bed, and contemplate what to do tomorrow as it's raining.
Oh! I am going to try and grow things!
I bought seeds for an herb garden (sage, thyme, basil, cilantro, parsely) and some hyacinths and lilys and forget-me-nots! I want to see if I can manage to NOT kill things. if I can succeed at this, then maybe when I get to kiwiland, I can start a small herb/veg garden where we live. Just in containers and such. For healthy living!! and things.
I hope it stops raining in the evening so that I can go take my walk.
laters!
Arrggghhhhh
BLARGLE!!!
Yes, that about sums up my feelings over this last week. I can't seem to get the weight to go down. Since the weather's been nicer, I've been walking more, and doing the bike at night. But still, the weight will not go below 260. I know, I KNOW that if I can just get to see 25something I will be motivated to keep going. But this constantly shifting back and forth between 260 and 263 is just obnoxious.
Yes yes, i know, everybody tells me to not worry about two or three pound shifts, they're normal. But when i can't get past them? Ugghh.
I WILL GET TO MY GOAL!
I just once need to see it go below 260.
Also, squats are the devil. DEVIL. I keep trying them, and I keep crying because of how bad my knees are. But! I did do some crunches tonight, and other than my pelvic bone in my back digging into the floor in a very painful manner (i guess this is why they use mats?) it went well. Felt a bit weird laying on my back, my knees raised up and spread, doing crunches, and then lifting my legs straight up, crunch, and the spreading my legs wide, and crunch.
I tried very hard to not think suggestively about that, but it was difficult as i was laying there with my legs spread to the world and crunching up with my head. But! I did feel a little bit of a burn in my stomach. Maybe all I need to get my back to not hurt is to get one of those squishy yoga mat things.
Anybody have any recommendations for exercises that don't need your knees? I need low impact, high reward stuff here. That doesn't involved bending the knees.
I hit a bad spot the other night, and I had almost convinced myself that I wasn't going to be able to make it, or do it, and that I should just give up and stay fat forever. But then the guys in IRC made it better, they talked me up and out. thanks guys. You know who you are. <3<3
Right, off to stretch out in bed, and contemplate what to do tomorrow as it's raining.
Oh! I am going to try and grow things!
I bought seeds for an herb garden (sage, thyme, basil, cilantro, parsely) and some hyacinths and lilys and forget-me-nots! I want to see if I can manage to NOT kill things. if I can succeed at this, then maybe when I get to kiwiland, I can start a small herb/veg garden where we live. Just in containers and such. For healthy living!! and things.
I hope it stops raining in the evening so that I can go take my walk.
laters!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Danger Ahead
Fine.
I will admit that i have fallen off the wagon hard core.
Mostly because I was sick all last weekend and the weather has had me down in the dumps. However! This will change! The sun has been out and shining, the weather has been absolutely fantastic. The dog and I went out and played today, and while I'm working all day tomorrow (which is enough of a workout on it's own) I am not working on Friday. So. I will get onto the bicycle! I will ride around the neighborhood on the bicycle. I will not fall off the bicycle.
Also, a HS f friend Lindsay wants to take me roller skating on sunday. Now, I don'tknow if I've mentioned this here or not, but I do not know how to roller skate. I just don't. I learned how to do it on carpet, but anybody can do it on carpet. Lindsay wants to take me skating and show me how. She's been going skating the last few weekends or something with her son and she's lost quite a bit of weight. So, maybe I will finally learn how to roller skate.
maybe I can learn how to roller skate before going to kiwiland. And then the kiwi and I can go skating around everywhere as opposed to biking around.
Also, I picked up some glucosamine & chondrointin with MSM pills today. 2 pills a day. And these are MASSIVE pills! Another thing, does anybody have any ideas on whether or not multivitamins can make you sick? I had one this morning after eating and it was like my stomach turned into sewage or something. uggh. Didn't vomit but felt like I was going to.
Alright. So that's all the excitement from me. I'll check in on friday with a funny story about me falling off the bike (I'm sure) and then on Sunday to say whether I learned to skate or if I fell down and broke my ankle/tailbone/everything just by trying to get wheels on my feet.
You never know. It could happen.
I will admit that i have fallen off the wagon hard core.
Mostly because I was sick all last weekend and the weather has had me down in the dumps. However! This will change! The sun has been out and shining, the weather has been absolutely fantastic. The dog and I went out and played today, and while I'm working all day tomorrow (which is enough of a workout on it's own) I am not working on Friday. So. I will get onto the bicycle! I will ride around the neighborhood on the bicycle. I will not fall off the bicycle.
Also, a HS f friend Lindsay wants to take me roller skating on sunday. Now, I don'tknow if I've mentioned this here or not, but I do not know how to roller skate. I just don't. I learned how to do it on carpet, but anybody can do it on carpet. Lindsay wants to take me skating and show me how. She's been going skating the last few weekends or something with her son and she's lost quite a bit of weight. So, maybe I will finally learn how to roller skate.
maybe I can learn how to roller skate before going to kiwiland. And then the kiwi and I can go skating around everywhere as opposed to biking around.
Also, I picked up some glucosamine & chondrointin with MSM pills today. 2 pills a day. And these are MASSIVE pills! Another thing, does anybody have any ideas on whether or not multivitamins can make you sick? I had one this morning after eating and it was like my stomach turned into sewage or something. uggh. Didn't vomit but felt like I was going to.
Alright. So that's all the excitement from me. I'll check in on friday with a funny story about me falling off the bike (I'm sure) and then on Sunday to say whether I learned to skate or if I fell down and broke my ankle/tailbone/everything just by trying to get wheels on my feet.
You never know. It could happen.
Friday, March 12, 2010
A List of Motivations
So.
I have come to realize that the picture over there, as motivating as it is, is not just quite enough.
So, I have decide to make a list of motivations to keep myself going. I was going to add them as a tabbed page on my blog, but I'm apparently too stupid to figure that one out on my own, so whatever.
So, here is my List of Motivations, with a few notes added in on the side.
Motivation Numbah One! (numbah one!): Health
Yes, this is an important motivation. My father has Diabetes, his mother had diabetes. My mother had breast cancer when she was younger than I am right now and my father's mother died from complications of breast cancer. My father has also had cancer. Add into that my problems with my joints and the arthritis and my mom's heart disease and you get all sorts of Health reasons to lose weight.
Motivation Numbah Two! (numbah two!): Beauty
Alright, so it's vanity. Who cares? I do. Yes, I get told I'm pretty. Yes, I've even been told that I'm beautiful. Yes, I get told often that I look great the way that I am. And yes, I've been told that how I look doesn't factor into the way he feels about me. And yes, I've even been told that I can still turn him on, no matter that I think that I look like a beached albino whale. And I even partly believe him, and others,when they say that I'm pretty. But you know what? I know that I can be prettier. At least physically. I want to know that when i'm told i'm pretty or beautiful, that I really am.
Motivation Numbah Three! (numbah two point five!): Vanity
So this kinda ties in with Beauty, but it's a bit different. I want to not only be told I'm beautiful, but the truly vain part of me wants to be able to walk down a street or into a room and have men's eyes follow me, have girlfriends smack their boyfriends, and have lesbians breathe just a little bit harder from my presence. Do I think in reality that i will ever in a million years achieve this level of Sex Goddess? Nope! But That Doesn't mean I can't try.
Motivation Numbah Four! (numbah three!): Dancing
Alright, enough of the over-reaching generic ideas. Let's get specific. I want to dance. I want to dance with my Kiwi and make the world go away. I want to samba and tango and rumba and mambo and swing dance like there's no tomorrow. And I want to do it without fear of my joints grinding together and wearing completely down. I want to dance without worrying about other people watching. I want to dance without worrying about whether I look like the Michelin man in a skirt. Or a colorful blob of jello that got dropped onto the dance floor.
Motivation Numbah Five! (numbah...four?): Sex
Why try to hide it? Sex is an important motivation. Not just the flexibility that will come from not having a Nascar regulation tire around my middle, but also increased pleasure. Ever wonder why porn stars make all that noise? Well sure, the majority of them are acting, but the amateurs do it cause of sensation. And they're all skinny. Also, the mechanics involved in sexual intercourse change dramatically when it's physically possible to be picked up and pressed into a wall by the man you love. Not that I know for sure. But I'm guessing that this is so, and therefore I want that to be a possibility so I lose the weight.
Motivation Numbah Six! (numbah what?): That Movie Scene
Yes. you know that one. It's been done and done and overdone so many times. Boy and girl miss each other. Boy and girl see each other after long separation. Boy and Girl start to run to each other, as the slow motion begins and the music starts. And they run and they run and they meet in the middle and boy lifts girl into his arms and they spin around amid a crowd of blurry other people and then Boy sets girl down onto her feet as they kiss hello. Sappy? Hell yes. Romantic? Yes. Trite and overdone? Yes. Do I care? No. Do I want it? Oh Hell Yes.
Motivation Numbah Seven! (you can't count): Airplanes
Ok, so this one seems like it's out there, right? What the hell do airplanes have to do with weight loss? Have you ever been in the situation where you had to ask the flight attendant for a seatbelt extender? have you? You haven't? Then you don't understand this one and probably won't. There is nothing in this world more embarassing (there probably is, but go with it for the moment) than asking a stewardess to get you a belt extender cause you're too damned fat to buckle the seat belt around your hips. Or, you do the stupid thing that I did, which was fly all the way from Maine to Houston without a seatbelt on. This should not happen. And if I lose the weight it won't happen.
Motivation Numbah Eight1 (it should be seven): Children
No. I don't have them. maybe I do want them. But if I did have children in the future, I do not want them to have a fat mommy. Cause "Yo momma so fat" jokes are just horrible. And should not be inflicted on any child. My kids (eventual or otherwise) will have enough troubles being Jewish (and if they're mine and the kiwi's jewish and Asian) that having a fat momma is just not fair. Plus, I want to be able to run with my kids, take them outside and play. And chase them on their bicycles after we take the training wheels off.
I'm sure that there are more. But, I can't get to them just yet. My brain stopped working. But I'll think of more later. Now, it's bedtime. Weigh-in tomorrow morning. Eek.
I have come to realize that the picture over there, as motivating as it is, is not just quite enough.
So, I have decide to make a list of motivations to keep myself going. I was going to add them as a tabbed page on my blog, but I'm apparently too stupid to figure that one out on my own, so whatever.
So, here is my List of Motivations, with a few notes added in on the side.
Motivation Numbah One! (numbah one!): Health
Yes, this is an important motivation. My father has Diabetes, his mother had diabetes. My mother had breast cancer when she was younger than I am right now and my father's mother died from complications of breast cancer. My father has also had cancer. Add into that my problems with my joints and the arthritis and my mom's heart disease and you get all sorts of Health reasons to lose weight.
Motivation Numbah Two! (numbah two!): Beauty
Alright, so it's vanity. Who cares? I do. Yes, I get told I'm pretty. Yes, I've even been told that I'm beautiful. Yes, I get told often that I look great the way that I am. And yes, I've been told that how I look doesn't factor into the way he feels about me. And yes, I've even been told that I can still turn him on, no matter that I think that I look like a beached albino whale. And I even partly believe him, and others,when they say that I'm pretty. But you know what? I know that I can be prettier. At least physically. I want to know that when i'm told i'm pretty or beautiful, that I really am.
Motivation Numbah Three! (numbah two point five!): Vanity
So this kinda ties in with Beauty, but it's a bit different. I want to not only be told I'm beautiful, but the truly vain part of me wants to be able to walk down a street or into a room and have men's eyes follow me, have girlfriends smack their boyfriends, and have lesbians breathe just a little bit harder from my presence. Do I think in reality that i will ever in a million years achieve this level of Sex Goddess? Nope! But That Doesn't mean I can't try.
Motivation Numbah Four! (numbah three!): Dancing
Alright, enough of the over-reaching generic ideas. Let's get specific. I want to dance. I want to dance with my Kiwi and make the world go away. I want to samba and tango and rumba and mambo and swing dance like there's no tomorrow. And I want to do it without fear of my joints grinding together and wearing completely down. I want to dance without worrying about other people watching. I want to dance without worrying about whether I look like the Michelin man in a skirt. Or a colorful blob of jello that got dropped onto the dance floor.
Motivation Numbah Five! (numbah...four?): Sex
Why try to hide it? Sex is an important motivation. Not just the flexibility that will come from not having a Nascar regulation tire around my middle, but also increased pleasure. Ever wonder why porn stars make all that noise? Well sure, the majority of them are acting, but the amateurs do it cause of sensation. And they're all skinny. Also, the mechanics involved in sexual intercourse change dramatically when it's physically possible to be picked up and pressed into a wall by the man you love. Not that I know for sure. But I'm guessing that this is so, and therefore I want that to be a possibility so I lose the weight.
Motivation Numbah Six! (numbah what?): That Movie Scene
Yes. you know that one. It's been done and done and overdone so many times. Boy and girl miss each other. Boy and girl see each other after long separation. Boy and Girl start to run to each other, as the slow motion begins and the music starts. And they run and they run and they meet in the middle and boy lifts girl into his arms and they spin around amid a crowd of blurry other people and then Boy sets girl down onto her feet as they kiss hello. Sappy? Hell yes. Romantic? Yes. Trite and overdone? Yes. Do I care? No. Do I want it? Oh Hell Yes.
Motivation Numbah Seven! (you can't count): Airplanes
Ok, so this one seems like it's out there, right? What the hell do airplanes have to do with weight loss? Have you ever been in the situation where you had to ask the flight attendant for a seatbelt extender? have you? You haven't? Then you don't understand this one and probably won't. There is nothing in this world more embarassing (there probably is, but go with it for the moment) than asking a stewardess to get you a belt extender cause you're too damned fat to buckle the seat belt around your hips. Or, you do the stupid thing that I did, which was fly all the way from Maine to Houston without a seatbelt on. This should not happen. And if I lose the weight it won't happen.
Motivation Numbah Eight1 (it should be seven): Children
No. I don't have them. maybe I do want them. But if I did have children in the future, I do not want them to have a fat mommy. Cause "Yo momma so fat" jokes are just horrible. And should not be inflicted on any child. My kids (eventual or otherwise) will have enough troubles being Jewish (and if they're mine and the kiwi's jewish and Asian) that having a fat momma is just not fair. Plus, I want to be able to run with my kids, take them outside and play. And chase them on their bicycles after we take the training wheels off.
I'm sure that there are more. But, I can't get to them just yet. My brain stopped working. But I'll think of more later. Now, it's bedtime. Weigh-in tomorrow morning. Eek.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Coordination
So, in doing these Walk at Home DVDs I have discovered something about myself. I have shitty coordination. Oh, I can do the walking. And I can, for the most part, keep time with her, although I think I'm doing something wrong with the sidesteps and tap outs because I always seem to get off beat from her and the 'gang'. But when she adds in the arm movements, the push and pull and up and down above the head, I lose the pace almost completely. My legs go all wonky in their movements, and I just can't seem to get everything going in time.
I don't know if that's because I want the arms and the legs to move at the same pace and they're just not or what, but I turn into a flailing mess. Oh, I'm still moving and everything, but it's a mess. I mean, we're talking a scarecrow blowing in the wind.
Another thing, I have discovered that I need shoes for this. not necessarily for the walking, but for the stretching afterwards. She keeps saying to plant your heel and stretch this way and that, doing a triangle and a warrior poses from yoga. Problem being, that in socks or barefeet, it's hard to get your foot to plant. I think that might be what I did wrong the other night and why my ankle hurts so much. Because I didn't have it properly planted with shoes i might have twisted the wrong way.
Oops.
My weight is staying consistent, but I'm hoping that will change. I've been very very careful about the food I'm eating and how much of it. Or at least I'm trying to. I'm not really counting calories anymore, but I know that I'm nowhere near 1900.
Also, my water intake is skyrocketing. I'm up to just about 4 bottles a day. Which is 80 fl oz. Which is 10 servings. Or, for my international fans(hahaha like I have those) 2364 mL, or approx 2.4L a day. That's not adding in the additional tea that I drink (3 10oz (887 mL) glasses tonight at dinner, no sugar just green & white tea blend), the orange juice in the morning (8oz (236 mL)). So I'm getting more than enough liquids.
I also just started taking the One A Day Womens+Metabolism boost vitamin. Yay. now I just need to get some glucosamine & Chondrointin into my routine and maybe that will help with the ouchings.
the ouchings. I cannot do squats. I can't even do half-squats. My knees sound like rice krispies and fee llike their going to grind themselves into cornmeal. It's so painful. And the sound. And the sensation. I need to lose the weight to get the pressure off the joints. But I have to use the joints to do the exercises to lose the weight.
Tonight for dinner i had a serving of noodles (egg noodles, working up to whole wheat and vegetable noodles), with a serving of tomato sauce, 1 all beef kosher hot dog without the bun, a handful of corn chips, and a salad made up of cucumber, orange pepper, and avocado with light catalina dressing.
last night, i had a huge salad of romaine, peppers, avocado, cucumber, and chow mein noodles. I was about halfway through before I even put any dressing onto it. I was om nom noming away like crazy. For my desserts? I've been eating a handful of some dried fruits around the house (apricots mostly) as well as dates, prunes, and craisins. I've been adding a handful of my dark dark chocolate chips. I finished off my clementines for lunch this morning and breakfast was a banana and a larabar.
Woo, go healthy.
I need to get some bagel thins. They look good. I just wish I could stand the taste of light cream cheese. Ohwell, add enough garlic to it and enough horseradish sauce and I guess I could stand it.
I should leave that there. Nobody really wants to read my rambling anyways. Nobody really reads this in the first place.
I don't know if that's because I want the arms and the legs to move at the same pace and they're just not or what, but I turn into a flailing mess. Oh, I'm still moving and everything, but it's a mess. I mean, we're talking a scarecrow blowing in the wind.
Another thing, I have discovered that I need shoes for this. not necessarily for the walking, but for the stretching afterwards. She keeps saying to plant your heel and stretch this way and that, doing a triangle and a warrior poses from yoga. Problem being, that in socks or barefeet, it's hard to get your foot to plant. I think that might be what I did wrong the other night and why my ankle hurts so much. Because I didn't have it properly planted with shoes i might have twisted the wrong way.
Oops.
My weight is staying consistent, but I'm hoping that will change. I've been very very careful about the food I'm eating and how much of it. Or at least I'm trying to. I'm not really counting calories anymore, but I know that I'm nowhere near 1900.
Also, my water intake is skyrocketing. I'm up to just about 4 bottles a day. Which is 80 fl oz. Which is 10 servings. Or, for my international fans(hahaha like I have those) 2364 mL, or approx 2.4L a day. That's not adding in the additional tea that I drink (3 10oz (887 mL) glasses tonight at dinner, no sugar just green & white tea blend), the orange juice in the morning (8oz (236 mL)). So I'm getting more than enough liquids.
I also just started taking the One A Day Womens+Metabolism boost vitamin. Yay. now I just need to get some glucosamine & Chondrointin into my routine and maybe that will help with the ouchings.
the ouchings. I cannot do squats. I can't even do half-squats. My knees sound like rice krispies and fee llike their going to grind themselves into cornmeal. It's so painful. And the sound. And the sensation. I need to lose the weight to get the pressure off the joints. But I have to use the joints to do the exercises to lose the weight.
Tonight for dinner i had a serving of noodles (egg noodles, working up to whole wheat and vegetable noodles), with a serving of tomato sauce, 1 all beef kosher hot dog without the bun, a handful of corn chips, and a salad made up of cucumber, orange pepper, and avocado with light catalina dressing.
last night, i had a huge salad of romaine, peppers, avocado, cucumber, and chow mein noodles. I was about halfway through before I even put any dressing onto it. I was om nom noming away like crazy. For my desserts? I've been eating a handful of some dried fruits around the house (apricots mostly) as well as dates, prunes, and craisins. I've been adding a handful of my dark dark chocolate chips. I finished off my clementines for lunch this morning and breakfast was a banana and a larabar.
Woo, go healthy.
I need to get some bagel thins. They look good. I just wish I could stand the taste of light cream cheese. Ohwell, add enough garlic to it and enough horseradish sauce and I guess I could stand it.
I should leave that there. Nobody really wants to read my rambling anyways. Nobody really reads this in the first place.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Photographs
I'm going to regret this, but I know that if I don't put these pictures up here, I will lose the momentum and willpower to do this.
That is my fat self.
I will stop looking like that. I will lose the weight in my stomach and my ass and my thighs. I WILL DO THIS.
even if it kills me in the process.
That is my fat self.
I will stop looking like that. I will lose the weight in my stomach and my ass and my thighs. I WILL DO THIS.
even if it kills me in the process.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
The Wagon
So yeah.
I fell off the wagon a bit there.
Weight went back up to 262 last week and stayed steadily there this week.
But, I am ready to jump back onto the wagon. I am ready to do this and make it happen. The weather around here lately is going to start agreeing with me and cooperating. I recently picked up some exercise clothes, so I do not have that excuse anymore. Including a sports bra!!! So now I can jump rope without worrying about breaking my glasses or giving myself a black eye.
I've been focusing on the wrong things lately and it's been getting me down. But I will change this! I will fix this! And I will be FOCUSED!
I have support now. I have the few people that read through this blog, and I will pretend that there are people reading it even if there aren't (although leaving comments and ideas is a good way for me to find out!). And I have my Kiwi. Who will support me in this. And push me. And be inspiration.
you know, on top of the whole losing weight to feel better, ease the arthritis, make it up stairs without losing my breath, and make sex just that much better.
but with losing the last 2 weeks, I can still do this!
2 pounds, every week for the next year.
I CAN DO THIS!
I should make the poster on my wall bigger, and brighter. And I need some inspirational pictures up. Like dresses. Or maybe a bikini or something. Or a wedding dress.
nah, that's a bit much.
What I need is a good photo reference for what 160lbs looks like on a woman my height. Unfortunately, a GIS for that only brings up porn. And while better sex is an added side-effect of this journey, I do not need that as an inspiration picture on my wall.
get up in the morning.
Exercise.
Shower
Eat breakfast of oatmeal (or cream of wheat) with craisins and almonds
Go to work
Have snacks
Work
eat lunch of rice and stirfry
Work
have snack
Work
Come Home
Have dinner of salad and whatever
Exercise
Relax
oh! And Bike Helmet!I got one! So I can go out riding! Hooray! who knows, if I get good enough, maybe I won't need the car sooner than I thought......
I fell off the wagon a bit there.
Weight went back up to 262 last week and stayed steadily there this week.
But, I am ready to jump back onto the wagon. I am ready to do this and make it happen. The weather around here lately is going to start agreeing with me and cooperating. I recently picked up some exercise clothes, so I do not have that excuse anymore. Including a sports bra!!! So now I can jump rope without worrying about breaking my glasses or giving myself a black eye.
I've been focusing on the wrong things lately and it's been getting me down. But I will change this! I will fix this! And I will be FOCUSED!
I have support now. I have the few people that read through this blog, and I will pretend that there are people reading it even if there aren't (although leaving comments and ideas is a good way for me to find out!). And I have my Kiwi. Who will support me in this. And push me. And be inspiration.
you know, on top of the whole losing weight to feel better, ease the arthritis, make it up stairs without losing my breath, and make sex just that much better.
but with losing the last 2 weeks, I can still do this!
2 pounds, every week for the next year.
I CAN DO THIS!
I should make the poster on my wall bigger, and brighter. And I need some inspirational pictures up. Like dresses. Or maybe a bikini or something. Or a wedding dress.
nah, that's a bit much.
What I need is a good photo reference for what 160lbs looks like on a woman my height. Unfortunately, a GIS for that only brings up porn. And while better sex is an added side-effect of this journey, I do not need that as an inspiration picture on my wall.
get up in the morning.
Exercise.
Shower
Eat breakfast of oatmeal (or cream of wheat) with craisins and almonds
Go to work
Have snacks
Work
eat lunch of rice and stirfry
Work
have snack
Work
Come Home
Have dinner of salad and whatever
Exercise
Relax
oh! And Bike Helmet!I got one! So I can go out riding! Hooray! who knows, if I get good enough, maybe I won't need the car sooner than I thought......
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Fourteen & Fifteen
Forget structure.
It was a good weekend for me (two days off from work in a row counts as a weekend!). I did not all that much this weekend though. Ate better, watching portions and calories, I've discovered that what I thought was being pretty balanced at about 1600-1800 calories was actually only around 900-1000. Oops! So I have to eat more.
Feels odd to eat more food in order to lose weight, but hey. I'm getting better at the calorie counting. Thursday, spent the better part of forty-five minutes total on the bike, amazing what a little sexual frustration can do for a person's want to exercise.
Remember that I bought those two DVDs for exercising? Well,I tried the Leslie Sansome walking one. I can handle it, kinda, so long as I have her on mute. I'm sure that I'm missing important details and safety tips, but I just can not stand her voice! It's like listening to a hyperactive Alvin mating with Richard Simmons and living in Beverly Hills. Painful.
Have not yet put in the Jenny Craig one. My biggest problem is, once again, the lack of proper clothing. I should probably head over to Fashion Bug tomorrow and see if they have anything for me. But doing the exercises in a pair of jeans is just too constricting, and sweatpants are just too.... cumbersome. So I need to find the right clothing to do this in.
So, the big news!
Current weight: 260.8
Previous weight: 262.4
Goal weight: 170
Current Date: 2/20/2010
Goal date: 2/12/2011
So, extrapolating things out, I have realized that if I keep losing 2 lbs a week, then by the time my goal date comes around, I will have lost 100lbs. Which puts me right on track with my goals! That is also healthy weight loss. I'd like to try and get it up to about 3lbs/week if I can, but I will be quite content with the 2lb/week. Quite content indeed.
It was a good weekend for me (two days off from work in a row counts as a weekend!). I did not all that much this weekend though. Ate better, watching portions and calories, I've discovered that what I thought was being pretty balanced at about 1600-1800 calories was actually only around 900-1000. Oops! So I have to eat more.
Feels odd to eat more food in order to lose weight, but hey. I'm getting better at the calorie counting. Thursday, spent the better part of forty-five minutes total on the bike, amazing what a little sexual frustration can do for a person's want to exercise.
Remember that I bought those two DVDs for exercising? Well,I tried the Leslie Sansome walking one. I can handle it, kinda, so long as I have her on mute. I'm sure that I'm missing important details and safety tips, but I just can not stand her voice! It's like listening to a hyperactive Alvin mating with Richard Simmons and living in Beverly Hills. Painful.
Have not yet put in the Jenny Craig one. My biggest problem is, once again, the lack of proper clothing. I should probably head over to Fashion Bug tomorrow and see if they have anything for me. But doing the exercises in a pair of jeans is just too constricting, and sweatpants are just too.... cumbersome. So I need to find the right clothing to do this in.
So, the big news!
Current weight: 260.8
Previous weight: 262.4
Goal weight: 170
Current Date: 2/20/2010
Goal date: 2/12/2011
So, extrapolating things out, I have realized that if I keep losing 2 lbs a week, then by the time my goal date comes around, I will have lost 100lbs. Which puts me right on track with my goals! That is also healthy weight loss. I'd like to try and get it up to about 3lbs/week if I can, but I will be quite content with the 2lb/week. Quite content indeed.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
day Thirteen
Ok.
I have made the decision to NOT keep putting up the weights every day. It's just way too depressing and not motivating at all. So the weights will go up on Friday, just like on my chart on my wall.
that being said
Breakfast: BLT
snack: Luna Chocolate Peppermint bar
Lunch: grapes, cheddar cheese, 1 Arnolds Sandwich Thins
Snack: n/a
Dinner: Zatarains ShrimpAlfredo
Snack: Cottage Cheese and Apple Butter
Exercise: Arm reps and 30 minutes on the bike.
General: Why is it that all of the Danskin Now Workout clothing that we sell at walmart doesn't come any higher than a size 20? I mean. Really? I cannot fit my fat ass into a size 20 pair of pants. No matter how stretchy the material is.
Also, 1800 calories a day is HARD. I feel like I'm constantly eating. There is no way that this can be helping. And yet, I remember back to Jenny Craig, and I remember saying the same thing then, and I lost thirty pounds doing that.
I need to get off the front end at work. I have got to get back onto the sales floor. This standing in one spot is just not helping me at all. At least when they put me on Self Checkout, I can do some stretches. But uggghhhh One spot for 8 hours a day. It's just not worth it. I need to get to the floor, where I can move around, I can lift things, and actually WORK.
I also need to get my bike out of the garage. I don't care about the snow on the ground. I need to get outside and do the exercising. The fresh air. Need something different. I am not going to quit. I am not going to quit.
I persevered through the nicotine. I can do that with this as well. I WILL DO THIS!
I have made the decision to NOT keep putting up the weights every day. It's just way too depressing and not motivating at all. So the weights will go up on Friday, just like on my chart on my wall.
that being said
Breakfast: BLT
snack: Luna Chocolate Peppermint bar
Lunch: grapes, cheddar cheese, 1 Arnolds Sandwich Thins
Snack: n/a
Dinner: Zatarains ShrimpAlfredo
Snack: Cottage Cheese and Apple Butter
Exercise: Arm reps and 30 minutes on the bike.
General: Why is it that all of the Danskin Now Workout clothing that we sell at walmart doesn't come any higher than a size 20? I mean. Really? I cannot fit my fat ass into a size 20 pair of pants. No matter how stretchy the material is.
Also, 1800 calories a day is HARD. I feel like I'm constantly eating. There is no way that this can be helping. And yet, I remember back to Jenny Craig, and I remember saying the same thing then, and I lost thirty pounds doing that.
I need to get off the front end at work. I have got to get back onto the sales floor. This standing in one spot is just not helping me at all. At least when they put me on Self Checkout, I can do some stretches. But uggghhhh One spot for 8 hours a day. It's just not worth it. I need to get to the floor, where I can move around, I can lift things, and actually WORK.
I also need to get my bike out of the garage. I don't care about the snow on the ground. I need to get outside and do the exercising. The fresh air. Need something different. I am not going to quit. I am not going to quit.
I persevered through the nicotine. I can do that with this as well. I WILL DO THIS!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Day Twelve
Current Weight: 262.4
Goal Weight: 170
Current Date: 2/16/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2010
Breakfast: Carnation Instant Breakfast; Special K Fruit Crisps
Snack: Soyjoy berry
Lunch: Lemon Pepper Tuna with crackers; Peaches; Yumberry& Pomegranate Lifewater
Snack: n/a
Dinner: curried rice, brocolli, water chestnuts, red peppers, steak-ums
Exercise: taking a break today on the bike. My back has been killing me and twisting up on me while riding it this morning. Or trying to. I made it five minutes before I couldn't get the cramp to go away. Did alot of lifting at work though. Apparently everybody's cats have run out of kitty litter all at the same time.
General: Work went alright, after I got my back stop twinging. Got home, found my valentine's present from Ee waiting for me. A handmade valentine's card with a pop-up heart inside. Chocolates! And squid! I love it!!!! I am so ridiculously in love! I started bouncing and giggling and dancing in front of my parents. I didn't even put the frozen vegetables away before opening the present. Squid! He sent me Squid! I am so ridiculously happy about this!
Goal Weight: 170
Current Date: 2/16/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2010
Breakfast: Carnation Instant Breakfast; Special K Fruit Crisps
Snack: Soyjoy berry
Lunch: Lemon Pepper Tuna with crackers; Peaches; Yumberry& Pomegranate Lifewater
Snack: n/a
Dinner: curried rice, brocolli, water chestnuts, red peppers, steak-ums
Exercise: taking a break today on the bike. My back has been killing me and twisting up on me while riding it this morning. Or trying to. I made it five minutes before I couldn't get the cramp to go away. Did alot of lifting at work though. Apparently everybody's cats have run out of kitty litter all at the same time.
General: Work went alright, after I got my back stop twinging. Got home, found my valentine's present from Ee waiting for me. A handmade valentine's card with a pop-up heart inside. Chocolates! And squid! I love it!!!! I am so ridiculously in love! I started bouncing and giggling and dancing in front of my parents. I didn't even put the frozen vegetables away before opening the present. Squid! He sent me Squid! I am so ridiculously happy about this!
I mean. Awesome! I mentioned this stuff in passing when talking about college with him and that I had it junior year and I couldn't find it.
And he found it! And sent it to me!
How awesome is my man? So damned awesome!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Day Eleven
Current Weight: 262.8
Goal Weight: 170
Current Date: 2/15/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2010
Breakfast: n/a
Snack: n/a
Lunch: Cottage cheese and noodles; 1 cup total
Snack: Cashew Cookie Larabar
Dinner: Chicken Pepperoni Noodle thing?; multigrain tostitos & Guacamole
Exercise: 20 minutes on bike before work
Work
Arm Reps before and after work
General: I slept in today. Didn't have to be to work until 330, so I slept in. It felt wonderful. Thus, the no breakfast or first snack thing. The dinner was one of those Great Value things from Walmart that Daddy picked up. Wasn't all that impressed, really. The noodles were way overdone (think mush) and just a bit of spice from the pepperoni, but it wasn't a nice spice, it was a "HEY LOOKIT ME" spice. Which I don't like. All in all, eh. So I settled for some tostitos and guacamole. Had a serving of both and I was satisfied.
Must say, that Larabar was fantastic. I was starting to get a little hungry by the time my break rolled around (630 grrr), and having that in my pocket was just the thing that I needed. Maybe that was why I wasn't so bad off for dinner tonight. Perhaps this is the answer.
Unfortunately, I forgot to buy eggs on my way out of work this evening, so I will have to do that tomorrow. That way I can have eggs for breakfast, snacks at work, and then a light dinner like a salad when I get home. That might actually help me a little.
Have not tried the exercise dvds yet. Will hopefully be doing so on wednesday, when I don't have to work til later and the Olympics aren't on in the afternoon. Also, depending on the weather, I might try to take my new bike out of the garage (hahaha) on thursday or friday and take it for a spin around the block. would be nice to get back into riding. Who knows, if I get really good at the bike riding, maybe I won't even need a car in Kiwiland.
Speaking of, Hey there Kiwi. I know you're reading this. I love you. You are my every inspiration.
back to the program.
Why is it that when people get the title of "Supervisor" they become stupid, incompetent, or both? How can you even dare to call yourself a Front end Supervisor when you can't even manage to get people out for their breaks? Sure, we were a little busy. Nothing like we were the last few nights. Sure you were the only one there, but so have the other CSMs had nights when they're by themselves and they manage. But if you can't manage to get 2 cashiers their change at the same time and carry it to them at the same time, while also telling another cashier to take their break, then you should NOT be the Supervisor. MULTITASKING. Learn it.
My break was not until 630 tonight. I started at 330. Granted, I personally do not care, as this gives me less time at the end of my night. But, after 3 hours of standing in one spot and doing the repetitive motion of scanning items across a laser grid, a person gets tired and needs to move around. I finally gave up on trying to get the Supervisor's (CSS's) attention and decided to go ahead and take my break for myself. that was when she came running up to me with the pennies and dimes I had ordered (thirty minutes earlier, thank gods we weren't busy). I told her that I needed to take my break, it had been 3 hours, and she just gave me a blank stare and walked off.
Ugghh.
I can understand being stupid. I can understand being incompetent. Lord knows there are plenty of Walmart employees that fit both of those requirements. But, when you start elevating those people to management positions, is when I get irritated.
Almost a full shift tomorrow, or as close to a full shift as they ever give me anymore. and then another on wednesday and then I'm off for 2 days. don't know about after that, they haven't posted the new schedule yet. Fun!
Right, bedtime. g'night all three people who are reading this, maybe four.
Goal Weight: 170
Current Date: 2/15/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2010
Breakfast: n/a
Snack: n/a
Lunch: Cottage cheese and noodles; 1 cup total
Snack: Cashew Cookie Larabar
Dinner: Chicken Pepperoni Noodle thing?; multigrain tostitos & Guacamole
Exercise: 20 minutes on bike before work
Work
Arm Reps before and after work
General: I slept in today. Didn't have to be to work until 330, so I slept in. It felt wonderful. Thus, the no breakfast or first snack thing. The dinner was one of those Great Value things from Walmart that Daddy picked up. Wasn't all that impressed, really. The noodles were way overdone (think mush) and just a bit of spice from the pepperoni, but it wasn't a nice spice, it was a "HEY LOOKIT ME" spice. Which I don't like. All in all, eh. So I settled for some tostitos and guacamole. Had a serving of both and I was satisfied.
Must say, that Larabar was fantastic. I was starting to get a little hungry by the time my break rolled around (630 grrr), and having that in my pocket was just the thing that I needed. Maybe that was why I wasn't so bad off for dinner tonight. Perhaps this is the answer.
Unfortunately, I forgot to buy eggs on my way out of work this evening, so I will have to do that tomorrow. That way I can have eggs for breakfast, snacks at work, and then a light dinner like a salad when I get home. That might actually help me a little.
Have not tried the exercise dvds yet. Will hopefully be doing so on wednesday, when I don't have to work til later and the Olympics aren't on in the afternoon. Also, depending on the weather, I might try to take my new bike out of the garage (hahaha) on thursday or friday and take it for a spin around the block. would be nice to get back into riding. Who knows, if I get really good at the bike riding, maybe I won't even need a car in Kiwiland.
Speaking of, Hey there Kiwi. I know you're reading this. I love you. You are my every inspiration.
back to the program.
Why is it that when people get the title of "Supervisor" they become stupid, incompetent, or both? How can you even dare to call yourself a Front end Supervisor when you can't even manage to get people out for their breaks? Sure, we were a little busy. Nothing like we were the last few nights. Sure you were the only one there, but so have the other CSMs had nights when they're by themselves and they manage. But if you can't manage to get 2 cashiers their change at the same time and carry it to them at the same time, while also telling another cashier to take their break, then you should NOT be the Supervisor. MULTITASKING. Learn it.
My break was not until 630 tonight. I started at 330. Granted, I personally do not care, as this gives me less time at the end of my night. But, after 3 hours of standing in one spot and doing the repetitive motion of scanning items across a laser grid, a person gets tired and needs to move around. I finally gave up on trying to get the Supervisor's (CSS's) attention and decided to go ahead and take my break for myself. that was when she came running up to me with the pennies and dimes I had ordered (thirty minutes earlier, thank gods we weren't busy). I told her that I needed to take my break, it had been 3 hours, and she just gave me a blank stare and walked off.
Ugghh.
I can understand being stupid. I can understand being incompetent. Lord knows there are plenty of Walmart employees that fit both of those requirements. But, when you start elevating those people to management positions, is when I get irritated.
Almost a full shift tomorrow, or as close to a full shift as they ever give me anymore. and then another on wednesday and then I'm off for 2 days. don't know about after that, they haven't posted the new schedule yet. Fun!
Right, bedtime. g'night all three people who are reading this, maybe four.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Day Ten
Current Weight: n/a
Goal Weight: 170
Current Date: 2/14/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2010
Breakfast: 3 Eggo Waffles
Snack: Berry Soyjoy
Lunch: Lean Cuisine Alfredo
Snack: Strawberry Soyjoy
Dinner: Steamed rice, steamed vegetables
Exercise:
15 minutes on bike before work
work
Arm reps after dinner
15 minutes on bike after dinner
General: Happy Valentine's Day! I have nothing more to really say here. Went to work, came home, ate dinner, am watching the Olympics.
Oh, and I have the best boyfriend in the world. Literally. I love you, honey.
Goal Weight: 170
Current Date: 2/14/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2010
Breakfast: 3 Eggo Waffles
Snack: Berry Soyjoy
Lunch: Lean Cuisine Alfredo
Snack: Strawberry Soyjoy
Dinner: Steamed rice, steamed vegetables
Exercise:
15 minutes on bike before work
work
Arm reps after dinner
15 minutes on bike after dinner
General: Happy Valentine's Day! I have nothing more to really say here. Went to work, came home, ate dinner, am watching the Olympics.
Oh, and I have the best boyfriend in the world. Literally. I love you, honey.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Day Nine
Current Weight: 262.0
Previous Weight 262.2
Current Date: 2/13/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2010
Exercise: 15 minutes on the bike. Arm reps. Work. Uggh work.
Breakfast: Slice of challah
Snack: None
Lunch:None
Snack: none
Dinner: leftover Seafood alfredo
General: Victory! Found some larabars at work! As well as some Luna, Clifbar, and others.
Larabar: 2 Cashew Cookies; 1 peanut butter cookie
Luna: Chocolate peppermint Stick
Clifbar: Chocolate Chip
Soyjoy: Berry
Kashi: Chocolate Almond Toffee
I have no idea if I will like these. Or if they will do me any good. But it can't hurt to try. I've checked the ingredients on all of them, and i'm not allergic to anything in them. Now we'll have to see whether or not I can handle actually eating them. If I can make it through eating them without gagging or thinking that I'm eating sawdust, then we will be good.
Bought some exercise dvds today too. Leslie Sansome's Walk at Home and Valerie Bertinelli's Jenny Craig "Losing It". I'll try them out and let you know what I think. If I can make these things work for me a bit better, than maybe a gym membership isn't necessary. I just have to hope that I don't injure myself without having somebody to watch over me.
Work is back into session, ugh. So now the real challenge comes into play. Can I stick with the eating plans I have while at work? Honestly, I think it will be easier. I get breaks every 2 hours, good time for snacks.
Ahwell, life is as life is.
Previous Weight 262.2
Current Date: 2/13/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2010
Exercise: 15 minutes on the bike. Arm reps. Work. Uggh work.
Breakfast: Slice of challah
Snack: None
Lunch:None
Snack: none
Dinner: leftover Seafood alfredo
General: Victory! Found some larabars at work! As well as some Luna, Clifbar, and others.
Larabar: 2 Cashew Cookies; 1 peanut butter cookie
Luna: Chocolate peppermint Stick
Clifbar: Chocolate Chip
Soyjoy: Berry
Kashi: Chocolate Almond Toffee
I have no idea if I will like these. Or if they will do me any good. But it can't hurt to try. I've checked the ingredients on all of them, and i'm not allergic to anything in them. Now we'll have to see whether or not I can handle actually eating them. If I can make it through eating them without gagging or thinking that I'm eating sawdust, then we will be good.
Bought some exercise dvds today too. Leslie Sansome's Walk at Home and Valerie Bertinelli's Jenny Craig "Losing It". I'll try them out and let you know what I think. If I can make these things work for me a bit better, than maybe a gym membership isn't necessary. I just have to hope that I don't injure myself without having somebody to watch over me.
Work is back into session, ugh. So now the real challenge comes into play. Can I stick with the eating plans I have while at work? Honestly, I think it will be easier. I get breaks every 2 hours, good time for snacks.
Ahwell, life is as life is.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Day Eight
Current Weight: 262.2
Previous Weight: 264
Goal Weight: 170
Current Date: 2/12/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2011
Breakfast/Lunch: 3/4 cup tomato rice soup; 11 Sociables crackers
Snack: 1 peach
Dinner; leftover spaghetti squash; olive oil; mushrooms; tomato
Exercise: I'm hoping to keep it up to around the 30 minute mark total for the day. Also more reps with the hand weights.
General: I want to be able to go running. I never thought I'd say that, but I do. Of course, I need to find myself the appropriate clothing to do all of this stuff in. Something tells me that my walmart bra-built-in tank tops and my pajama pants are not the ideal clothing to be exercising in. But Can only do so much with limited funds. And I know I'm going to need proper shoes. But luckily, there is the Nike outlet nearby so that shouldn't be a problem.
According to the scale, I have lost a total of one pound in the last week. Not bad. Slow and steady. But losing 52 pounds in a year is just not what I want. I want more. So I'm going to start to get a bit more aggressive with this, I think. More bike rides. Turn on the Wii. And, I think I might go get myself a cardio dvd. Something fairly slow going to start, but that I can kick up and move faster the further along I go.
Been wondering about yoga. some people have told me that it helps with stretching and flexibility. I'm wondering if that is the case, and if so, should I do some? Or wait until I actually have things to be flexible with. I can feel the arms getting stronger. The reps are getting a little easier to do. I wish I knew where my 5lb weights were. They're around here somewhere. Both 5 and 10 lbs. So that I can get all kinds of resistance.
Oh! I've been able to click the resistance on the bicycle up one more notch! It's hell on my knees, but I can still keep going. It might be a slightly slower pace, but I can keep going. And that's what's important, right? To just keep going.
I need to get into the crunches thing. And some pushups. But mostly the crunches. I am worried about losing all of this weight from all over but still having this stomach. I mean, I'm always (more than likely) going to have a bit of a gut, but I want that gut to be as small as possible.
Alright, enough time spent wasting on the computer. Let's get something done!
Previous Weight: 264
Goal Weight: 170
Current Date: 2/12/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2011
Breakfast/Lunch: 3/4 cup tomato rice soup; 11 Sociables crackers
Snack: 1 peach
Dinner; leftover spaghetti squash; olive oil; mushrooms; tomato
Exercise: I'm hoping to keep it up to around the 30 minute mark total for the day. Also more reps with the hand weights.
General: I want to be able to go running. I never thought I'd say that, but I do. Of course, I need to find myself the appropriate clothing to do all of this stuff in. Something tells me that my walmart bra-built-in tank tops and my pajama pants are not the ideal clothing to be exercising in. But Can only do so much with limited funds. And I know I'm going to need proper shoes. But luckily, there is the Nike outlet nearby so that shouldn't be a problem.
According to the scale, I have lost a total of one pound in the last week. Not bad. Slow and steady. But losing 52 pounds in a year is just not what I want. I want more. So I'm going to start to get a bit more aggressive with this, I think. More bike rides. Turn on the Wii. And, I think I might go get myself a cardio dvd. Something fairly slow going to start, but that I can kick up and move faster the further along I go.
Been wondering about yoga. some people have told me that it helps with stretching and flexibility. I'm wondering if that is the case, and if so, should I do some? Or wait until I actually have things to be flexible with. I can feel the arms getting stronger. The reps are getting a little easier to do. I wish I knew where my 5lb weights were. They're around here somewhere. Both 5 and 10 lbs. So that I can get all kinds of resistance.
Oh! I've been able to click the resistance on the bicycle up one more notch! It's hell on my knees, but I can still keep going. It might be a slightly slower pace, but I can keep going. And that's what's important, right? To just keep going.
I need to get into the crunches thing. And some pushups. But mostly the crunches. I am worried about losing all of this weight from all over but still having this stomach. I mean, I'm always (more than likely) going to have a bit of a gut, but I want that gut to be as small as possible.
Alright, enough time spent wasting on the computer. Let's get something done!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Day Seven
Current Weight: 264
Previous Weight: 265.2
Goal Weight: 170
Current Date: 2/11/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2010
Exercise: So far, 15 minutes on the bike and some arm reps with the weights. Oh, and half an hour shovelling snow and ice. Turn up to 35 minutes on the bike. More arm reps with the weights. Using 8lbs weights.
Breakfast/Lunch: 1/2 cup spaghetti squash, 4 chunks of sausage, tomato sauce
Snacks: none
Dinner: Chicken, rice, mushrooms, green beans
General: The Sun is out! It's Out! It's Out! Hooray Hooray the sun is out! I got to go outside! I shovelled! It felt fantastic to be outside in the sun and the blowing wind (yes, that was nice. Hush) and doing work. Even if it was shovelling, it felt great tobe outside and doing something.
Going to let my food settle into my stomach a little and then i'll get back onto the bicycle. I upped the resistance setting on it today and it's still feeling a bit easier than it was a few days ago. And my knee, while hurting, isn't hurting as badly as it could be. I take these as all good signs.
Now, if I can just get myself settled into a slightly smaller eating routine. Granted, I'm consuming a lot less than the 2k calories/day that I think I should be on. I'm probably getting less than 18k too. But I know I can do better with the portion control.
I just hate the thought of using measuring cups to determine what I eat. That reminds me of my grandmother and her weight watchers and that never ever worked for her. Ever.
But I'll figure something out, I'm sure.
Just gotta keep going. Just keep going.
Previous Weight: 265.2
Goal Weight: 170
Current Date: 2/11/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2010
Exercise: So far, 15 minutes on the bike and some arm reps with the weights. Oh, and half an hour shovelling snow and ice. Turn up to 35 minutes on the bike. More arm reps with the weights. Using 8lbs weights.
Breakfast/Lunch: 1/2 cup spaghetti squash, 4 chunks of sausage, tomato sauce
Snacks: none
Dinner: Chicken, rice, mushrooms, green beans
General: The Sun is out! It's Out! It's Out! Hooray Hooray the sun is out! I got to go outside! I shovelled! It felt fantastic to be outside in the sun and the blowing wind (yes, that was nice. Hush) and doing work. Even if it was shovelling, it felt great tobe outside and doing something.
Going to let my food settle into my stomach a little and then i'll get back onto the bicycle. I upped the resistance setting on it today and it's still feeling a bit easier than it was a few days ago. And my knee, while hurting, isn't hurting as badly as it could be. I take these as all good signs.
Now, if I can just get myself settled into a slightly smaller eating routine. Granted, I'm consuming a lot less than the 2k calories/day that I think I should be on. I'm probably getting less than 18k too. But I know I can do better with the portion control.
I just hate the thought of using measuring cups to determine what I eat. That reminds me of my grandmother and her weight watchers and that never ever worked for her. Ever.
But I'll figure something out, I'm sure.
Just gotta keep going. Just keep going.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Day Six
Current Weight: 265.2
Previous Weight: 266
Goal Weight: 170
Current Date: 2/10/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2011
Exercise:
Arm reps with the weights.
10 minutes on the bike. so far. Total of 25 minutes on the bike
Breakfast: Sleeping
Snack: sleeping
Lunch: Half of the leftover stirfry from the other night. Chicken, rice, snowpeas, red peppers (capsicum), and brocolli
Snack: Nothing
Dinner: Matzah Ball Soup
General; ARGGHHHH!!! Snow! I just want to go outside! Seriously, I will go out and shovel the damned driveway. Just STOP SNOWING!! I have never wanted toget out of the house and do exercise or go for a walk or a bike ride more than I do right now.
We have house guests, the little boy my mom takes care of and his sister are here, as a precaution because the last storm knocked out their power, and the car battery was running kinda low. It's interesting having a 4 year old in the house. And watching my parents interact with her. Mom's bothered me for years about grandchildren. And I kept saying 'yeah yeah yeah'. But I didn't realise just how much my father wants a grandchild. He's having so much fun with her, he really does want grandchildren. I guess I should really step on it, huh?
Nah, It'll take time.
So, Kiwi update!
He's passed through his oral defense, now he gets to go and fix the msitakes that they found, resubmit it, and then he will be a PhD Grad! Hooray! Now he needs to find a job. And I need to get my passport situation straightened out. And then find out what visa to go under, which would be the best course of action in order to get me down there.
So now, I need to work on my motivational images. I have to find a dress that I want to wear for when I lose the weight. And print a picture of that and put it up on the wall of my poster. I also need to take my 'fat picture' so that I can see my progress.
On to the staring out the window and willing the white to all just go away.
I though I left Mud Season back up in Maine.
Previous Weight: 266
Goal Weight: 170
Current Date: 2/10/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2011
Exercise:
Arm reps with the weights.
10 minutes on the bike. so far. Total of 25 minutes on the bike
Breakfast: Sleeping
Snack: sleeping
Lunch: Half of the leftover stirfry from the other night. Chicken, rice, snowpeas, red peppers (capsicum), and brocolli
Snack: Nothing
Dinner: Matzah Ball Soup
General; ARGGHHHH!!! Snow! I just want to go outside! Seriously, I will go out and shovel the damned driveway. Just STOP SNOWING!! I have never wanted toget out of the house and do exercise or go for a walk or a bike ride more than I do right now.
We have house guests, the little boy my mom takes care of and his sister are here, as a precaution because the last storm knocked out their power, and the car battery was running kinda low. It's interesting having a 4 year old in the house. And watching my parents interact with her. Mom's bothered me for years about grandchildren. And I kept saying 'yeah yeah yeah'. But I didn't realise just how much my father wants a grandchild. He's having so much fun with her, he really does want grandchildren. I guess I should really step on it, huh?
Nah, It'll take time.
So, Kiwi update!
He's passed through his oral defense, now he gets to go and fix the msitakes that they found, resubmit it, and then he will be a PhD Grad! Hooray! Now he needs to find a job. And I need to get my passport situation straightened out. And then find out what visa to go under, which would be the best course of action in order to get me down there.
So now, I need to work on my motivational images. I have to find a dress that I want to wear for when I lose the weight. And print a picture of that and put it up on the wall of my poster. I also need to take my 'fat picture' so that I can see my progress.
On to the staring out the window and willing the white to all just go away.
I though I left Mud Season back up in Maine.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Day Five
Current Weight: 266 lbs
Goal Weight: 170 lbs
Current Date: 2/9/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2011
Breakfast: Carnation Instant Breakfast
Snack: 1/2 cup Edamame
Lunch: 11 Wheat Thins crackers
Dinner: Whole Wheat Spaghetti and Sausage
Dessert: Spiced Acorn Squash
Exercise:
15 minutes on stationary bicycle.
Free weights
If I have to deal with more snow... At least shoveling is good cardio exercise. I am really hoping that my knees will stop hurting. Cause just wow, it hurts. Alot. But that's what they make bengay and icy hot for. And I have the new icy hot roller ball thing.
I keep telling myself that once I lose the weight, the arthritis and the aches will feel better, if not go away a little bit. At least, that's what I'm hoping for.
I've noticed that some people are putting pictures up, but I don't have the energy to do that just yet.
Also, I've seen Andrea with the larabars. I want to try them, but with my allergies to walnuts and pecans I need to be careful with the snack bars and things like that to eat. If they have walnut flour or such, then I can't eat them.
Will need to do some research, but I've got plenty of cereal and things. And almonds. And some cheese.
But now, to go make the squash. I'm considering cooking up the spaghetti squash for myself tonight instead of the noodles.
It just makes this whole dieting thing much more difficult when I have to worry and concentrate on how to feed the rest of the family and they're all picky. But that's just another obstacle to overcome. Which I can do.
I can do anything. I just need to keep focused.
Goal Weight: 170 lbs
Current Date: 2/9/2010
Goal Date: 2/12/2011
Breakfast: Carnation Instant Breakfast
Snack: 1/2 cup Edamame
Lunch: 11 Wheat Thins crackers
Dinner: Whole Wheat Spaghetti and Sausage
Dessert: Spiced Acorn Squash
Exercise:
15 minutes on stationary bicycle.
Free weights
If I have to deal with more snow... At least shoveling is good cardio exercise. I am really hoping that my knees will stop hurting. Cause just wow, it hurts. Alot. But that's what they make bengay and icy hot for. And I have the new icy hot roller ball thing.
I keep telling myself that once I lose the weight, the arthritis and the aches will feel better, if not go away a little bit. At least, that's what I'm hoping for.
I've noticed that some people are putting pictures up, but I don't have the energy to do that just yet.
Also, I've seen Andrea with the larabars. I want to try them, but with my allergies to walnuts and pecans I need to be careful with the snack bars and things like that to eat. If they have walnut flour or such, then I can't eat them.
Will need to do some research, but I've got plenty of cereal and things. And almonds. And some cheese.
But now, to go make the squash. I'm considering cooking up the spaghetti squash for myself tonight instead of the noodles.
It just makes this whole dieting thing much more difficult when I have to worry and concentrate on how to feed the rest of the family and they're all picky. But that's just another obstacle to overcome. Which I can do.
I can do anything. I just need to keep focused.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Day Four
Current Weight: 266 lbs
Previous Weight: 263.2 lbs
Goal Weight: 170 lbs
Weight Change: +3.2lbs
Exercise:
Shoveling the driveway and walkway of snow yesterday.
15 minutes on bike yesterday
30 minutes on bike today
Weights tonight
Breakfast yesterday: Bowl of Cereal
Breakfast today: 3 cherry blintzes
Lunch Yesterday: Nothing
Lunch Today: Nothing
Snacks Yesterday: Ohgod I don't want to think about it.
Snack Today: 1/2 cup shelled edamame, lightly salted
Dinner Yesterday: Meatloaf; rice, yellow squash
Dinner Today: Chicken teriyaki stirfry; rice
General: Ugggggh. This is why I want the damned ovaries removed. I start my period, I gain three pounds. Please, somebody tell me that this is normal and it's not just a sign that this is a failure before it begins.
On the other hand, Mom being snowed in makes her want to bake. So we've been baking. Gingerbread, Shoo-Fly Pie, Sugar-free Oatmeal Raisin Cookies (Splenda and Molasses, ohgodgross), and then Chocolate Toffee Chip cookies.
So it hasn't really been a red-letter weekend for Diet.
But, I have been exercising, so maybe it's just muscle mass?
The official Total doesn't go on the graph until Friday, so I have some time.
Also, Fuck snow. I wanna go for a bike ride. And Work's been closed. Yes. Walmart has been closed. For three days. My poor paycheck. Sigh. This is just not ok. I been home with my parents all day, all weekend. And while mom and I have gotten lots done (we hung up a lot of artwork in the new backroom today, stuff shes been wanting to do for years), I'm ready to go back to work.
Alright, gotta finish up dinner.
Previous Weight: 263.2 lbs
Goal Weight: 170 lbs
Weight Change: +3.2lbs
Exercise:
Shoveling the driveway and walkway of snow yesterday.
15 minutes on bike yesterday
30 minutes on bike today
Weights tonight
Breakfast yesterday: Bowl of Cereal
Breakfast today: 3 cherry blintzes
Lunch Yesterday: Nothing
Lunch Today: Nothing
Snacks Yesterday: Ohgod I don't want to think about it.
Snack Today: 1/2 cup shelled edamame, lightly salted
Dinner Yesterday: Meatloaf; rice, yellow squash
Dinner Today: Chicken teriyaki stirfry; rice
General: Ugggggh. This is why I want the damned ovaries removed. I start my period, I gain three pounds. Please, somebody tell me that this is normal and it's not just a sign that this is a failure before it begins.
On the other hand, Mom being snowed in makes her want to bake. So we've been baking. Gingerbread, Shoo-Fly Pie, Sugar-free Oatmeal Raisin Cookies (Splenda and Molasses, ohgodgross), and then Chocolate Toffee Chip cookies.
So it hasn't really been a red-letter weekend for Diet.
But, I have been exercising, so maybe it's just muscle mass?
The official Total doesn't go on the graph until Friday, so I have some time.
Also, Fuck snow. I wanna go for a bike ride. And Work's been closed. Yes. Walmart has been closed. For three days. My poor paycheck. Sigh. This is just not ok. I been home with my parents all day, all weekend. And while mom and I have gotten lots done (we hung up a lot of artwork in the new backroom today, stuff shes been wanting to do for years), I'm ready to go back to work.
Alright, gotta finish up dinner.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Day Two
Current Weight: 263.2
Goal Weight: 170
Goal Date: 2/12/11
Breakfast: Special K with Craisins; Earl Grey Tea with milk and honey
Snack: 11 Wheat thins with cream cheese
Lunch: Garden Vegetable Soup
Snack: 1oz garden herb Almonds; diced peaches
Dinner: Unknown at the moment
Snack: Multigrain Tostitos and guacamole
Exercise:
Aiming for 45 minutes on the bike for today.
More reps with the weights. They're 8lb weights and just a little heavy for me at the moment. But I figure that a little on the heavy side is better than too light. If they're too light, then I'm not actually exercising.
Goals for Today:
To not have to go outside for any reason. At all. And to get some work done on my GAN (Great American Novel). Since it's the only thing that I can even come close to thinking of wanting to do with my life. I just need to lay down the groundwork.
Side note: how do I get this thing to stop autosaving every ten seconds. grrrrr.
Goal Weight: 170
Goal Date: 2/12/11
Breakfast: Special K with Craisins; Earl Grey Tea with milk and honey
Snack: 11 Wheat thins with cream cheese
Lunch: Garden Vegetable Soup
Snack: 1oz garden herb Almonds; diced peaches
Dinner: Unknown at the moment
Snack: Multigrain Tostitos and guacamole
Exercise:
Aiming for 45 minutes on the bike for today.
More reps with the weights. They're 8lb weights and just a little heavy for me at the moment. But I figure that a little on the heavy side is better than too light. If they're too light, then I'm not actually exercising.
Goals for Today:
To not have to go outside for any reason. At all. And to get some work done on my GAN (Great American Novel). Since it's the only thing that I can even come close to thinking of wanting to do with my life. I just need to lay down the groundwork.
Side note: how do I get this thing to stop autosaving every ten seconds. grrrrr.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Day One
Current Weight: 263.2 lbs
Goal Weight: 170 lbs
Goal Date: 2/12/11
Breakfast: Bowl of Oatmeal
Snack: 1.5 oz Almonds
Lunch: Bowl of Noodles with carrots, baby corn, broccoli, and snow peas
Snack: 1.5 oz Almonds, 1oz goat cheese
Dinner: Two slices of Red Baron Vegetable Pizza
Snack: Lil'Drum ice cream treat
Exercise for the day: 15 minutes on stationary bicycle; another 15 after dinner
10 Reps with 8lb weights for both arms, taking it easy due to possible strain in right wrist for work yesterday.
Slow going, would have rather been out riding today, but I lack a bicycle helmet for one thing, and for two things, snow.
So that leaves the stationary bike and the weights for the moment. I really need to find an aerobics dvd or something that won't make me want to murder the thin people i'm watching bouncing around like nutjobs and smiling cause they don't have arthritis.
I think Richard Simmons had fat old people on his old dvds. I wonder if you can still buy them....
This is going to be an interesting ride.
Goal Weight: 170 lbs
Goal Date: 2/12/11
Breakfast: Bowl of Oatmeal
Snack: 1.5 oz Almonds
Lunch: Bowl of Noodles with carrots, baby corn, broccoli, and snow peas
Snack: 1.5 oz Almonds, 1oz goat cheese
Dinner: Two slices of Red Baron Vegetable Pizza
Snack: Lil'Drum ice cream treat
Exercise for the day: 15 minutes on stationary bicycle; another 15 after dinner
10 Reps with 8lb weights for both arms, taking it easy due to possible strain in right wrist for work yesterday.
Slow going, would have rather been out riding today, but I lack a bicycle helmet for one thing, and for two things, snow.
So that leaves the stationary bike and the weights for the moment. I really need to find an aerobics dvd or something that won't make me want to murder the thin people i'm watching bouncing around like nutjobs and smiling cause they don't have arthritis.
I think Richard Simmons had fat old people on his old dvds. I wonder if you can still buy them....
This is going to be an interesting ride.
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